11am
one of my all time favorite memories:
dancing to the Police's album that has the song with the lyrics "goo goo goo ga ga ga that's all I want to say to you..." with Michael Hobart and other Rainbow premies at a party we had at someone's house back in the heyday of Rainbow. Playing and dancing with my father's lovers.
Really, I cant really recall a happier moment since childhood, other than my times of solitude in the mountains that pretty much hands down are virtually all of my most memorable moments in this world, just me and my nice attitude, my good thoughts, my connection with my father, even if I wasn't aware of his presence with me. I just went up there in the mountains to get away from the crazies and just be with my sane family in the sublminal realm.
following up on the purple cape on vampire / purple blanket in black car called "the bat mobilie" correlation. It's about Mckenna's time wave theory and its correlation with the bibile code. david, who sent the pruple cape e mail, is the person who first heard me say outloud that I believed that the bible code would overlay perfectly with mckenna's time wave theory, one the bones and the other the flesh of history as somethig leading up to the shock wave of eschatology. the LAST event is what things come toward, events do not begin at a deliberate point and lead off into randomness, they are completed and a deliberate point and are lead up to through whatever randomness is required in order to naturally achieve the bible code references, the pictures that lead to the comclusion of the story . it's how imaginaiton works. i'm posting an e mail that david wrote to me after I posted my earlier comments about the purple cape e mail, followed by my reply to him which was written more with this post than him in mind.
10/20/05
Jeff:
Interesting comments Cap'tn! You are absolutely correct in saying
that you can trust me. You can! I have good reason to believe that we are
indeed Family, and I am nothing if not loyal to my Family.
I have in the past donned a purple cape in the * other * Dream and
have garnered an element of agreement that I was in fact recognized as the
one in the purple cape...... I was compelled to toss that brief mention in
closing earlier. I am happy to hear that it seemingly meant something more
to you!
As for my conservative manner, it is merely one of many facades
that I employ. I have found that in this particular stage of my life to
include my management position in the work force, it is generally more
conducive to give the appearance of being a bit of a conservative. This
could not be farther from the truth however. I am quite liberal! A great
man once said as I recall, "learn to be stupid if it benefits you!" Ideally
I will one day (hopefully sooner as opposed to later) be able to project
mySelf as I truly am at the core, but in the meantime I opt to blend in with
the herd of humanity as best as I reasonably can.
As always, it's great to see your name pop into my inbox. Take
care of your self Jeff. I look forward to crossing your path many more
times, in this world as well as others!
>< David
jeff
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my comments about the bible code and teh mckenna time wave theory, their correlaction with one another, the occurance of this event of me predicting that the whole purple cape incident as being in the bible code as a way of the bible code teaching about the bible code, the coincidence of my having chosen david to be the one to hear the mckenna/bible code theory is just an other demonstration of the brilliance that the people have seattle have scurried away from in shame.
what a shame.
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I learned a few things last night, the most important of which was that a had a demon named Mary ann rossi the mother of a fallen soul that somehow i chose to marry sucking life from me using a terrible guilt trip. wow. she somehow knew that she could benefit from having caused my guilt, she just becomes the trief who is stealing life from me. a terible demon really, one that i now remember knowing about but that i had not noticed living inside of me. I still regard Bruce Brackenridge and both of his sons as potentially worthwhile, but the women of that family all were involved in a bad conspiracy aagainst me. I feel for Bruce having spent his life with Mary Ann Rossi, a force of pure darkness and negativity.
i have to admit that the reason i never mentioned sandy until yesterday is that i rarely think of her. because there was so much darkness in my body related to the sickness that was implanted in me by her. i always felt bad that i didnt think of her much, like i was a bad person for not caring too much about her. wow. what a trip.
Sandy Rossi's sister Lynn, who treated me rudely as well, was married at the time to a man who I believe is probably Israel, just by virtue of who he has been in this world, Harry Carrico, who was the Chief Justice of the Virginia Supreme Court at the time of my marriage to Sandy, whose opinion of me was entirely tainted by an extremely negative force that existed for the purpose of parasitizing me. Honestly I hope I have an opportunity to clear the air with Judge Carrico who I have not doubt had no idea what was happening.
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as i was driving to the hotel just now i was behind a flex car car... a good idea. there are just cars, i=and if you need one you just get in it and drive. no ownership no nothing, just use the first unoccuipied car. if there is any need for them. it's just the idea of sharing instead of owning. ditto bikes. there's just bikes, you need one you ride the first unused one you can find. no ownership, no theft, no muss, no fuss, no insurance, no registration, no bullshit.
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i also got more clear last night that Ptarmigan Teal really just was out to suck life from me, she like Mary Ann Rossi is a pathologically messed up woman who sort of just resents men being more poiwerful and women, she really does have a bad case of penis envy. the way that she attempted -and succeeded in the case of her younger daughter quill - to cause her daughters to hate me, when all i was doing was escaping from her parasitic clutches is in my opinion one of the worst things anyone has ever done to me.
i am very interested in knowing whether her daughter quill received a letter i wrote to her, offering her my own perspective on events that her mother had poisoned he understanding of. i deeply loved quill and the rift that her mother insitgated between me and her, who really were very close, was criminally wrong in my opinion. quill and i are two sovereign human beings and her evil mother had no write to meddle so self-interestedly in that relationship. She also may have been attempting to steal future energy from me y causing me to fall into a needless experience of guilt.
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it had occured to me only in a very vague way until now, but the evidence that appears before me is that there is a conspiracy going on in this world that i was not aware of and that has made me its victim. I believe that this may be related to the deity Allah and how she operates. I was made to feel incredibly and wrongly guilty by two different women back to back around 1994, Ptarmigan Teal and the mother of my wife Sandy Rossi, Mary Ann Rossi.
There is truth that I did not know. If you can make me feel wrongly guilty of something, you are stealing my energy literally, and these two women both laid guilt trips on me as a part of what may have been an organized conspiracy that is one way in which I have been severely parasitized in this life. And I know I am not the first victim for either one. Allah operates, at least in part, as teh perpetrator of a theft of energy from men by women. It's penis envy pure and simple and it has caused some group of women to join in what could possibly be an organized and secret conspiracy quite possibly operated through the feminist movement, of which Mary Ann Rossi and Ptarmigan Teal are both certifiable members. A terrible fate awaits these women as a consequence of their own actions, an experience of desolation and grief at having perpetrated a sickness and a theft of energy that they had no intention of ever relenting or confessing. These women are fallen souls, desperately trying to suck the love that people like me are so willing to give as to fall into the traps of not one but at least two evil demons, laid deliberately as a way of stealing from me.
Martin Roth and Ptramigan were in frequent touch during this time and there is a relationship between the beast and allah, she is his consort. Martin is like the lover of these fallen women, and he probably instructs them on how to manipulate things.. This is a terrible sickness and an evil with no justification whatsoever. Death and damnation to Martin Roth all of the women who have knowingly participated in the conspiracy to which I refer. I condemn Allah and all of her sick minions. These may be the most wasted souls of all in the experience that is to come for those who conspired against goodness itself.
John Teal a man named Steve Burtchaell with whom Ptarmigan Teal had a relationship at the same time as me, and the father of her children Steve Sullivan have all probably been similarly ripped off by Ptarmigan with her guilt trips and mind manipulation.
While I was in a relationship with me, Ptarmigan became pregnant by Steve Burtchaell. Their relationship was a disaster, filled with lies and deceptions. I read her correspondence with Steve Burtchaell without her knowing and learned a few things because I knew something was up. There's a web of lies and deceits that I wont bother to detail, but the upshot is this: Her relationship with Steve B. hit the rocks aorund the time of the discovery of her pregnancy, apparantly in part because I forced her to own up to her relationship with me. I demanded that he be told about me and our relationship.
SHe decided to have an abortion. I felt very strongly that I wished for her to have the child, and I offered to help raise the child that she conceived as a result of cheating on me. She declined and terminated the pregnancy, with me supporting and loving her through the entire episode. It was her second abortion of a child "conceived" in her by Steve Burtchaell.
Soon after this I began to realize that I didn't want to be with her anymore, it's just that I had lost respect. I didnt really love her any more. But she laid some incredible guilt trips on me, and after I finally left her she became vindictive toward me for the entire duration of a professional relationship in my bakery business which I had outright given her a stake in to the tune of a few hundred thousand dollars worth of company equity, which I cashed out at a value far above market upon my firing of her for an attempted mutiny against me. I even repurchased some nonexistennt stock options to the tune of 50k that were technically worthless as a result of her complete insubordination. The complicity of Terry Rex Cady and Christy Olsen, who I also rewarded for there conspiracies against me, are similiarly contemptable.
Ptarmigan Ptarmigan Ptarmigan Teal
is faced with a terrible plight,
whether to stay black in winter,
or turn white [as a ghost].
(a little poem about Ptarmigan that a friend had sent to her, an Israelite friend most likely, that she had posted on her refrigerator. I remember it almost verbatim, and I wouldn't be surprised if the author of that poem might be reading this very post in the near guture. I look forward to celebrating the death of this wicked witch named Allah with John Teal, who had banished Ptarmigan from his life for many years until his last days. For very good reason no doubt. I have a feeling he might have been told something about his daughter by someone who knew. )
Ptarmigan Ptarmigan Ptarmigan Teal
Watch out for that witch
SHe will steal everything you have
and kick you and spit on you,
on her way out the door.
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in light of what i've come to understand how i was ripped of by some of the women in my life, i want to double and redouble (hey, anyone out there like to play bridge? I read the bridge column everyday, but i dont have anyone to play with. somehow i think there must be some israelites who do play bridge; its a game for smart people, that's all. the guy who invented the game was a vanderbilt, no? no doubt a rawat invention. how's this for a mid-sentence paranthetical insertion? I know Terence, I can't talk intelligently about James Joyce's Finnegan's Wake like you can, but I got a bright thing or two to say of my own sort... Speaking of Vanderbilt, I lived across the fence from Biltmore for a while, while i was in the clutches of the Beast. I never went over there, but when I drove cross-country with my dad shortly before his death we did go do the tour. We should all go and have a big leaf peeping party there before the leaves all fall off... ) any praise I have already given susan ernsdorff, with whom i was in an intimate relationship for about two years. Susan was not happy about my unwillingness to be in a committed monogamous relationship with her, but she never laid any guilt trips on me, she let me be. susan is a good woman. she's not looking to take. she like so many others who aren't happy in this world just needs a healthy world to live in. Susan felt more like a sister to me than any other lover i have been with. she and i are kindred spirits, and she may actually be held up as exemplary in certain respects. i just have a good feeliing about susan right now.
i told susan many months ago that i saw in her the potential for a role of an overall intelligent coordinator of infrastructure and systems in our new nation. She has what it takes toplay an important role, minister of logistics for the basic necessities of life. I would have to say that Susan Ernsdorff is overall the most intelligent woman i've ever know, her sheer abiility to sustain complex thought is unusually good. She is a healthy specimen of a woman in many respects. I want to be her lover in a world where no one expects anyone to limit their love to one person. I would like Susan to be among the first women outside of my family that i make love to whenever such festivities get underway. i always loved being close to susan. i see her father DIck Ernsdorff as a potential partner with her in developing the intelligent systems that are about to be developed and implemented. Dick Ernsdorff is one of those no nonsense kind of people who just likes to get things done. Like Evert in certain respects. Just a doer. A happy doer of things that need to be done who figures out good ways of doing them. Dick and Susan Ernsdorff are engineers, and I think Jed has a book with some plans for buildings and stuff for them to get busy on.
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in light of my deepened understanding of the relationships i've had with women in this life,
wee hours
i had a really good friend in junior high school, bruce champion, my closest friend from childhood/ adolescnece. I saw hin at my 20 year hs reunion but not since. all of the boys in the family of bruce champion are good open hearted, the oldest having joined the hari krishna movement being a demonstratio of this. Bruce champion is probably a chamion lover, when i saw him ten years ago he was looking good.
jane redfern will probably give testimony about her true feelings for me and about the history of our relationsihp.. she was my very first lover and we got together in the aftermath of our HS reumion 21 years after last being together as lovers and it was wonderful, though she was disapointed i wasnt willing to make a commitment to monogamy.
i want to return to the chihuly morris thing, i do apologize to chihuly if i am off base, but i feel like something is going on there.. i own two coffee table books of morris' works (and i am not a coolector of books about art or anything, i just love morris) the fact that the coffee table in y hotel room has a copy of a book of chihulies work that is right in front of me when i go over and sit on the couch kind of feels like encouragement to return to this matter. . i've looked at this book and compared to morris its just boring to me... i just have a feeling that there might be some sort of vindication in me saying this. i think morris is orders of magnitude a greater artist than chihuly who i see more as a great self-promoter than as an artist worthy of such hyped up promotion.. chihuly is a business. Morris in an artist. There may be more to this story.
sun green started makin' waves on the day her grandpa died
speakin' out against anything unjust or packed with lies.
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I have a very dear friend named Miriam Todoroff who was a partner with a friend in a small natural foods store called Autumn Harvest in Evanston, Illinois when i first met her in the early 80's. I was a supplier to her store of products during my year with martin at The Great Eastern Sun Trading Company. At the time she and her partner were dealing with what felt like them to be predatory or overly aggressive practices of the Rainbow Chicago organization who had opened the Oak Street Market a block away. Eventually their business floudered and failed. During the years that I knew Mirian well, I never confided in her that I was a premie, largely because I knew she was bitter about the experience. I actually lived with Miriam in her home for a while, and even did a road trip with her once when she was moving from LA to CHicago and needed supprt and invited me to go with her. We had a wonderful trip visiting indian ruins in new mexico which was thrilling for her, I am sure she still remembers being at Puye with me.
I had a lot of feelings of wishing that Miriam could come to know Prem Rawat as being something other than a demon who had stolen her business. I encountered the Instructor David Smith at one of Prem Rawat's event to ask him if he would deliver a letter to Prem Rawat regarding this matter. I seem to remember David telling me something to the effect that such a letter would not reach its destination.
I finally confided to Miriam, perhaps on that trip, perhaps sometime later, I honestly dont remember at this time when it was, that I was a person who regarded Prem Rawat as a divine being. Eventually, whether it was at that time or later, I had an opportunity to invite her to a program of maharaji ji speaking in New York. I flew to Chicago to meet her and we flew to New York together, stayed in a hotel in order to attend a one hour long public address by Prem Rawat at Lincoln Center. I recall seeing Joanie Natale, and ex girl friend (the memory of whom I've always cherished as one of the best lovers i've ever had) whose last name may have changed since i knew her and she would recall having see me and Miriam there at the Lincoln Center.
I really don't know what sort of impression that event left on her heart, but I feel that this is one of the things I have done in my life that Prem Rawat is probably the most proud of, and that now that I think of it, that I am most proud of myself. I cant imagine that Miriam, a very devoit Roman Catholic with a powerful will to do good in this world and a father whom she had reason do love deeply, is not a very very dear person to both Prem and Neil Rawat, and I believe that she will be honored in some way. i am feeling a great upwelling of emotion in recalling this series of events. there may be unresolved issues in this matter pertaining to what heppened between her business and Rainbow.
^^^^ while i am on the subject and though i do not wish to insinuate anything whatsoever against David Smith, I must recount certain other events involving him and my reactions to these experiences. David Smith is a person whom I only know as someone who appears to have been trusted by Prem Rawat since I first came on the scene around '80 right up through this experience in 2004. I would like to give my version of events in a series of communications I had with David Smith working in a capacity as Prem Rawat's staff person.
After I had some experiences which I believed at the time to be the realization of Knowledge in March of last year, I wrote a letter to Prem Rawat to this effect. I assumed he was aware of my experience, and I wanted to express my jubilation. I sent him chocolate made by my company and some Dagoba Chocolate that at the time I believed would be made in my factory and the whole Temple theme is related to this belief. I insinuated that I knew he knew that this experience would be the fulfillment of teh CHarlie Story.
David Smith called me on behlf of Prem Rawat's office appropos of this correspondence and something I had said to the effect that I wondered whether some day I myself would be authorized to reveal Knowledge.
An intelligent reader would have been able to determine that I in no way intended to suggest that I had any intention to reveal the techniques to anyone, which I never have even considered doing without Prem Rawat's direct authorization, unless authorized to do so. Nevertheless the pretext for the call from David Smith was to make sure that I did not intend to reveal the techniques. One possible explanation could be that this provided me with a telephone contact, I had David's number.
I told David Smith that I was serious as a heart attack (in so many words) in saying that I believed that I was the Christ and the Prem Rawat was my father. He didn't seem particularly impressed but I told him that if there was any chance of Maharaj ji being told that someone in Seattle is saying he has realized Knowledge, that I would appreciate it. I did not get a firm answer on whether or not that would happen, and don't know to this day anything about what went on on that side of things.
Weeks later, just prior to beginning the publication of my statements, I called David's phone number which I had saved and left him a message telling him that I intended to publish my beliefs that Prem Rawat is the Creator of this world and that I am his son and to please call if he wished to discuss this with me, more or less suggesting that no response would indicate that there was no objection to my doing so. I never heard anything, and of course I dont know what happened, but I took this as a sign that it was OK to proceed with my statements. I have no reason to question or doubt the integrity of David Smith or Prem Rawat's staff, I am simply wanting to be on the record about what I recall of my correspondence with him and his staff.
I will say this. David Smith seemed to be resisting what I had to say. He struck me, quite frankly, as being caught in the hypocrisy that I see in some premies and have already commnented upon, as if he believed that Prem Rawat is some sort of liar who didn't mean what he was saying in previous years when he freely spoke as if he sincerely believed that he was the Creator of this world. I reminded David of the idea of the lila, that I believed that I was in the middle of a huge lila involving the fulfillment of history.
David Smith works for Prem Rawat and how he presents himself with respect to Prem Rawat is between he and his employer, but I think its worth noting that David Smith seemed to be of the opinion that the idea of Prem Rawat being the Creator of this world was obsolete. We actually talked at length, now that I recall, and I went so far as to say that I beleived that Prem Rawat had probably been given psilocybin by his father. He seemed anxious to refute the suggestion that Prem Rawat would be favorable toward psychedelics, saying something that I recall as amounting to, "oh yeah he tried everything once, but he doesn't do anything like that." How he knows such details of Prem Rawat's life and beliefs is not something I have any way of knowing.
I can't say what was apprpriate for David Smith to say, largely because I don't know what kind of instructions he works under. I will just say this: If I were Prem Rawat's employee and someone told me I had awakened to realizing that Guru Maharaj ji is God and that I am his son, the CHrist, and asked that Prem Rawat be informed that I had this to day, I might be brief in my comments and wouldn't offer any promises on the outcome, but I'm pretty sure I would pass the word on up the lines of communication. And I dont believe I would say anything that would put me in a position of having insulted my employer and Creator in the event that I was still as ignorant as I was when I received Knowledge, by more or less saying that's impossible.
In that conversation I brought up the fact certainly known to David Smith that Guru Maharaj Ji had made the following statement as a young child: "I declare on a stack of Bibles that I will extablish peace on Earth in this lifetime." David Smith's reply in defense of what appeared to me to be a disbelief in the truth of this statement was to the effect that Guru Maharaj ji didn't really mean what he said so crystal clearly, that really meant to say," I swear on a stack of Bibles that I will establish peace in the hearts of a limited number of men and women in this lifetime." I wonder if David Smith ever just honestly asked Prem Rawat what the truth of the matter was about what he meant when he swore that oath. I wonder what he would have done if Prem Rawat had said that yes, he is. WOuld he hvave quit his job on the spot? Or bowed down in submission? I mean, if you are working for a guy who once claimed in a most solemn manner to being the Creator and he has never recanted this claim, and yet you do not believe him, where does that leave you?
sun green started makin' waves on the day her grandpa died
speakin' out against anything unjust or packed with lies.
need i say more?
Jack Manheimer was a housemate in two different living situations, we worked together at rainbow while i was there and had stayed in touch over the years. I honestly dont know where he stands with Maharaji. I had heard from him in recent years mostly in the context of poker games that he played and to which he occaisionaly would invite me. I called just to ask him if he was willing to listen to me share about my experience. He declined. As did Jerry Pitter with whom I'd worked in David Kunkle's business and been room mates in the Valley street ashram where I recieved Knowledge in a bedroom where Guru Maharaj ji had slept during his courtship with Durga ji. (I occaisionally do a little pilgrimage down Valley Street and look up at that room.) I also was declined by ny very close friend Dean, who is one of the men in this world I feel closest to, possibly my closest brother, and certainly among premies he is closer to my heart than anyone. He too declined to hear about my experience, but did call to tell me recently re some of my more intense statements that he had heard someone say that I might get myself killed and warning me that this attititude is out there. It was freiendly, I didnt feel threatened by Dean in any way, he was just giving me a heads up, which I appreciated. He's the only premie who has ever called me to say anything to me at all about my statements, since David Smith never did speak with me about them.
There is a premie in the seattle area named Buffy Black who is a long time premie, she is somewhat of a point person in the community and she is also a psychic medium, i actually had gone with Dean more than ten years prior and had a rreading with her. Ross had suggested her as someone who might be interested in hearing what i was saying, and I agreed that given that she had a practice involving paranormal intuitive chanelling, she ought to be interested in hearing, and I made an oppointment to go to her house for a visit. She was freindly, but eventually I met with hostility to the ideas that I was expressing. She too seemed to believe that Prem Rawat had been insincere in his early years when claims were made about him that she no longer believes. By the time I left her house the feeling between us was mildly unpleasant.
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777777777777XXXX777777777777777=========44444444449999999999lastiheard
(and if that is found to have meaning, pertaining to Lu #7 or otherwise, i'll be stunned)
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