Sunday, October 30, 2005

i am with my brother bill (115)

i am with my brother bill and it is very good and i am very happy to be with him,, for as long as he wants... carling green... my brother, my good brother.. he's awesome.. he's like kenny,, he can listen, he can hear, he can follow what i am saying and he KNOWs. the people who can understand me are the rawat family..

i am hoping to see susan soon.. aunt sea rawat... i want to share the good news with her..

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carling gets that our mama may be the bad mama... he gets it.. i mean, he's not sure either, but he get's that it is possible..

bill... i've always loved him and we've always been close even through difficult times together, the love was always there... i wanted him to be my lover when we were teenagers... i really did. he's my Rawat uncle; neil, susan and kenyatta's brother and arius's son. i think he's like me, but pure lover without the shaman.. he's just a lover. and he is lovable. my daddy knows the kind of people i like, they're my family.

he and i are really similar, he is very bright, he can follow me, his mind is very clear in spite of being labeled "mentally ill." bill's going to move back into the meridian house with me. if we are still here in seattle. i felt very happy to be back with bill,, i think we will give one another strength if indeed we have to get over a bad mother..

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bill told me today that jean, our brother tom's wife, had confided in him that our mother Edie had confided in her that she had been abused by her mother in some way.. not something i was aware of... it's just a little bit suspicious that i heard this today of all days... i am afriad to say my belief in my mother's goodness is slipping from me... she is looking worse and worse to me. and if so, then i cant wait to be free of her.

susan, kenyatta, kenny, bob, AWF, bill, neil, elton, raja ji, jacob, sky, lisa (misty), babysnowleopard, nina, arius, and everyone else, pretty cool family... i am so close to being ready to be with everyone.

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the uncharacteristically direct seeming e mail from neil that i got moments after i got done screaming at my mom on the phone is becoming more and more obviously just another puzzle.. it appears that perhaps once again "the next day the charges [against sun green] were all dropped..."

the word from bill was the police said that they couldnt find me, but i had never left the room, so i think my puppet master may be pulling a few puppet strings other than my own...

those two guys who brought me my papers didnt seem at all disbelieving when i said i was the christ,,, they nodded and wanted to talk mckenna with me.,,,

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