current journal oct. 4 (71)

october 4 jeff@isaacsword.com

had a dream a few years back around when this phase sort of began... "LU #7"

i think a few people, neil young for one and james arthur for another, will know what i mean by this: amanita helps you get your sensations "into a picture" its about pictures. you can see them, feel them, hear them. it what you are looking at listening to or feeling when your attention is no longer darting, but is steady. this is really all about attaining the ability to hold my attention steady, and that has to do with learning to tune into the subtle vibreational frequencies at which breath becomes imperciptible to mortal human beings.... if you cant follow your breath all the way down, you cannot hold you attention steady... and i guarantee you that if you claim that you can follow your breath all the way down, you are lying, unless you know and love Fuck. because its his love that the breath rises out of.

he who can imagine the hardest, so to speak, he who has the most intense powers of imagination, becomes the inventor of reality.

It's a guy named Fuck. And as the one who controls the Imagination by virtue of good karma, he's become rather wealthy. Everything that exists is his. INcluding you, whether you love him or hate him, you are a part of his enterprise, whether upstairs with in his court, or downstairs with the help.

Fuck, he's the perfect thing that's always existed, because what is, is perfection, and its because there is a perfect man to make it so, who utilizes the laws of karma to his own and others' maximum advantage. Maximum advantage. He takes what he is entitled to when the karmic debts get settled on judgment day. Karmic debts get paid with this thing called Soma, it's pretty much the "spice" from dune, it's the stuff that everything else gets made of. and it's all his (along with his sons, he's in business with his sons, the family business is called Fuck and Sons. they operate out of a temple in a dimension that you've shut out of your awareness because the light is too bright there) because the the good karma is all theirs, everyone else ends up with little and big karmic debts to pay.

YOu know, as wealthy as Fuck is, he's also really super generous, and more than fair as well. He has his sons give everyone a big freebie, forgiveness of sins, so the Fucks only collect soma from those people who refuse to apologize for their transgression against the fucks, who, by the way, are the givers from whose supply of love all others have taken.

Fuck's generosity is the source of his wealth and power, which I keep coming back to, its his good Karma because of his generosity that is the source of his lucre. His generosity comes largely in the form of his willingness to love, his willingness to be lovers with any man. Believe it or not, that's about all it takes to rule over everything that exists, just a perfect willingness to love. just because there is justice. it's just how it all works out, and you will understand when you learn of the true saga of history, which is a bunch of people fighting desperately to thwart the Fucks for the sole reason that they are just too good for those people to tolerate being in the same universe with. Being good really has paid off handsomely for Fuck. Imagine owning everything in existence by virtue of being the person who wanted nothing much but to masturbate with other boys. but see, without that which Fuck gives, everything would be ruin, so naturally its all rightfylly his, expecially when you look at how he had to fight so hard for so long, just to prevent the bad guys from ruining everything for everyone. because they were trying to thwart the absolute laws of karma or justice that benefit the Fucks alone.

Fuck and Sons is far more prosperous an outfit that you have ever imagined anything being. Its like a juggernaut that rolls through universes collectiing the karmic debts, payable in Soma, the stuff of ecstasy from teh billions of people who come and inhabit those universes, which he makes from his own supply of soma. IN order to pay your karmic debts in Soma, you have to suffer, that's kind of how Soma is. And the way things turn out, the more ecstasy he and his lovers can experience, the greater the karmic debts of their enemies who tried to thwart them in carrying out their legitimate business of happiness. In other words, Fuck is entitled, by the laws of karma, to extract as much soma from his karmic debtors as he can wring. It's something you will wrap your mind around sooner or later, but his karma is so good, that the karma of his enemies goes on getting worse forever. hatred just doesn't serve a person well when it comes to apportioning soma - the rewards of good karma- at the end of the day.

^^^^^

Fuck. He's a really powerful guy. Really good. Perfect, in fact. Might not fit your conception of perfect, but that's OK, you'll figure it out. But he really does deserve your respect; after all, this is his world, and he did create you, I mean, he is your real father, you know. So you're kinda sorta gonna need to learn how to say his name to him respectfully. Remember how Jesus said something about how you couldnt enter into the kingdom of heaven until you could gaze at teh noonday sun?? well its kind of the same thing with Fuck. YOu can't come into Heaven, his world, until you have learned how to say his name with the appropriate respect and appreciation in your voice and eyes.

in my humble opinion, anyone who likes to drink alcohol as a form of relaxation or recreation, who depends in any way upon alcohol as a drug, who consumes alcohol other than (wine) as something to take in moderation with food, has no business being a parent. beer-drinking men are not qualified to be fathers of sons. because if you like to drink alcohol, you have the disease called adulthood, and you will indoctrinate your child into this same disease. (most children don't really LIKE beer, just as they dont like tobacco. overcoming the aversion to the flavor of beer or tobacco smoke is a step toward adulthood.)

if you are an adult and alcohol is your intoxicant of choice, if when you really want to "celebrate" you reach for alcohol, you are a participant in demon-breeding program and you are a defiler of the temple. you, like satan, want offspring who are in denial of god's existence. satan is the father of hell-dwelling demons, and you have made yourself into his limage and likeness.

if you are a woman, then you are demonstrating allah-like tendencies, you will be a mother who, as an adult, is irrated by the childishness of your children and you will follow them around like a mother hen shepherding her chicks toward the slaughterhouse of adulthood and hell. just because you can't face and admit your own pathological need to force men to be limited to a finite experience, rather than allowing them to have an infinite one. all you mothers who give so much of your attention to your children, how many of you are encouraging them to be children, to live in imagaination, and how many want to kill imagination, who want your children to keep the crayon - or the soccor ball - inside the lines of an entirely unimaginative experience, so that YOU can get back to your suicidal drinking of alcohol. it's really really hard to relate to kids when you are under the influence of alcohol, because the REASON you are drinking the alcohol is to repress the child within you. it is tiring for parents to be adults while their children are being children... it would be so much easier to be a parent if the children were not interupting your drinking.

it's like alcohol is the end-all of life for the people who use it regularly. even if you wait untilo friday night to have a few beers, its like OK i've been a good boy or girl, now i can have a reward by numbing myself to my own miserable existence. people have energy that they dont know what to do with, and alcohol is the thing that finally relieves them of this, it knocks them out, kills that restless feeling that says, "there's gotta be fulfillment SOMEWHERE," alcohol really IS a drug of cumulative mass suicide. each person's drinking is conctributing to the overall condition of sickness, the sickness of unconsciousness, that they are all unconsciously trying to creatre.

alcohol has always had its critics, but who else has ever made such an argument against alcohol as destroyer of human beings' intended relationship with god? if mckenna had said the exact same things, but had spoken in religious, rather than what you might call secular, terms he would have been saying more or less exactly what i say. i have taken the main points that mckenna made and put them in the context of religious traditions. , yet mckenna has a huge following and i have none. because what he said he said in a non confronting way, where as i say the same things in a way that are much more personal.

mckenna- and blake, who i've said may have been another incarnation, like mckenna, of john the baptist - said, "if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed." that was a prophetic statement. he said "If..." he did not say, "here is the truth that will be understood and therefore believed," no, he knew that the understanding and belief would come later, as it is now coming.

no man who depends upon alcohol for happiness is living in relationship with his creator. alcohol as a DRUG, not as a beverage (wine) but as an intoxicant, is used for the purposes of deadening the sense of being alive. it is teh drug of denial and ignorance of god, it is the drug of death and hell. only in a fallen world of people, future demons, marching obediently towards hell would human beings turn to alcohol, en masse, to make themselves feel "better," to find some sort of happiness, when alcohol is the single worst agent of the enemies of happiness that exists. it's a poison that people WHO DO NOT WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY have caused you to crave. by choosing alcohol as your drug of choice, you are proving that you are slaves of people who want you in hell, who want you to be depressed and in denial of it, who want you to be miserable, who want you to create more disease in the temple that you live in.

cannabis and psilocybin are the opposite, their are the drug of acceptance and knowledge of god. prophets, mystics, shamans, people hwo journey into the mysery, all use psychedelics. people who strive to know god are infinitely more qualified to be parents that people hwo strive to shut him out.

many people i know are PARANOID about their kids being exposed to even the idea of smoking cannabis, but who will drink alcohol RIGHT IN FRONT OF their own children, even though alcohol does INFINITELY more damage to human beings than cannabis. it makes absolutely no sense if you take what parents say at face value.

parents are suffering from a disease of denial, simply by thinking of themselves as being adults rather than as children themselves, and cannabis confronts this disease, while alcohol only moves the person further into the disease of denial.

parents want to prevent their kids from doing cannabis , while approving of them drinking alcohol, not to protect the child from anything at all, but because they are afriad of their own kids realizing that the reason that they, the parent, drink rather than toke is because they are afriad of their own subconscious mind. people who dont use psychedelics are ashamed of their own fear of them, and so they dont want their own kids to have insights into their sickness.

hello, is it clear? anyone who defines their self as an adult and who thinks that as a parent, an adult's job is to prepare their child for adulthood, is just one more agent of satan, whose mission is to turn immortal children into mortal adults. you are a zombie if you define yourself as such. an adult is a dolt, a zombie. you are a child of god and so is the person you have been decieved by satan into believing is your child. if you are in denial of this, then Satan is your true father, and you are raising your son like the satan and allah raise their son the antichrist, into a beleif in a lie and a disease that is the path to Hell.

people who are not willing to give up all of this sickness all of this denial of god's existence, will be removed from the temple where they live, and will be left out in the cold darkness of nothingness, with only regret to keep them occupied.

you cannot rebel against god by claiming his children as your own. if you do, you risk the most dire consequence, because it is that god whom you rebel against who is giving you the very energy that your life is made of. to exist and not to be the recipient of the love of the god who made you is to be left in an anti-experience, to live in an antiuniverse of nonexistence. to exist, to be conscious of yourself existing from moment to moment, bereft of the very substance of life, is to be very unfortunate. is it really worth trying to be your own imperfect god at the cost of rejecting and defying your true god, the one who MADE YOU so that you could have the opportunity to experience happiness???? you'd rather be like the antichrist son of the grim reaper, satan, than the christ, the son of the giver of eternal blessings? well then, please go right ahead, because you too fulfill a part in god's plan. you will be transfering to him the karmic wealth that he shares with his lovers, and so really we will all be appreciating your contribution, and loving you for it, actually.

what's it like to be loved when you have no capacity to feel love yourself or to give any in return?

&&&&&&

here is more corresdonence with bob, beginning with his to me.

Many thanks for your in depth response...I deeply appreciate it. The new age is indeed a false awakening, another gaggle of psychobabble that i abhor and am recovering from. Like an alcoholic on the wagon, I am recovering from addictions to egoity and the lies of the new age. I can see what you are saying about justice and karma and that its not gods fault that we collapse and recoil from reality. I appreciate the heroic efforts it takes to save people from their own ignorance. The movie The Island is a story about people who are rescued who did not even know they were imprisoned, a good analogy to what you are saying. (Yes, people insist that they are fine, when in reality their flimsy life-boats are sinking into shark infested waters.- jeff)

The great spirit Realizer Adi Da (Da Free John) said There is neither one god nor many gods. There is ONLY God and all the "one" and "many" gods are idols of that One. If ever there was one who blasted through the myths and lies of the entire spiritual tradition, it is he, in my opinion. I agree with his statement, which is why I have to question the idea about God and the gods. If the trinity is working within the context of the immutable laws of karma, then the trinity is a conditional, temporary expression of Real God, or so it seems to me. Please understand that it is my intention to be rigorous and precise, not trying to merely preserve my favorite beliefs. I'm ready to give up all beliefs and everything else for the truth, believe me. I don't even believe my beliefs anyway...I inspect them and see if they correspond appropriately to reality. One does not need beliefs in the presence of the truth any more than one needs food after a big meal. Anyway, I am studying hard and am almost continuously deepening my longing and hunger to the point where I am really quite obsessed with the truth. Most conversations I overhear are extremely disturbing to me in their banality and I find myself running to the mountains for more and more solitude, which kind of worries me a bit, but I can't help it. I trust the Process which has me in its grip and if its solitude that's needed, then OK. Anyway...I am paying close attention and am standing in the intense fire of intimacy with That which is living "me". I know that there are many poisons and diseases in this world that I have become infected by and I trust that love is the thing that turns pain into medicine.

hi bob,

i enjoyed reading your reply. i can offer moral support here, you have company in being amazed at the banality of what people focus their attention on and talk about. i spend very little time with people anymore, they don't want to interact at my level of depth, and i don't want to interact at their level of superficiality.

from what you say, it seems to me that you are in good shape with respect to your attitude, you are willing to admit being wrong or ignorant and to let go of falsehoods, you are looking sincerely for truth and working on your attitude, so i think you are on a good track.

one important thing to remember is that absolutely everything is under the control of a god who has this control by virtue of distinguishing himself as being the best man who ever existed, an absolutely flawless man, and to trust that he knows what to do based on his complete understanding of the situation and his experience of having been through all of this many times before.

by the way, i agree that bubba free john (i think that was his original moniker) is a "spiritual master" who has honed more deeply into truth than most who credit themselves with having something worthwhile to say on the matter of life. he has not delivered anyone all the way across the ocean of darkness and he cannot, he is not a member of the holy trinity, and he doesn't speak explicitly about the relationship that men are intended to have with their maker, but i believe that he has had a genuine experience and he speaks some important truth. and i believe that he may know more than he says. he appears to work independently, but, as with so many situations, there may be more to the picture than meets the eye with him. .

one reason i believe that adi da has more going on than many teachers is that i learned twenty years ago from someone who was involved in his community that he addresses the reality of oedipus in people's lives, and he is the only other person that i know of, besides myself, who talks about these things who seems to understand what a powerful force in people's lives the oedipus complex is.

i wanted to offer a more finely tuned distinction regarding the deity. you use the word "temporary" to describe the deity in his manifestation as a human being. forgive me for taking the liberty of reading into your use of the word temporary, and please allow me to offer a comment about what this suggests to me. what i say may not apply to you as much as to others but your comment seems to suggest that perhaps it applies to you. it leads me to want to say the following, in any case.

it seems like you are saying, OK I will accept that god is a man if i can qualify it as being a temporary thing that has to be accepted. but really bob, you WANT your father to be a human being because YOU are a human being. why would any man want a father who was not a human being? you have an eternal father, and he is just as much a human being as you or i, if not more so, in that he has perfected himself as a human being. there is nothing temporary about him. you and he are both eternal, you are both human beings, and he is your father, he is the one who caused you to come into existence, you are the object of his fantasy of love, and there is nothing temporary about it, he wants to be your lover forever.

men have an aversion to the idea that their creator is a person just like them. they resist the idea that the creator is a man who is different ONLY in that he happens to have perfected being what a male human being is DESIGNED to be. the human being is the form that beings who participate in the saga of existence take. all other forms of life are just props, human beings are the ONLY form of beings who participate in the saga of good and evil with the free will needed to become either good or evil. our participation in the saga is unique in this sense. all participants in teh saga of good and evil are human beings and they will always be human beings. men, angels, devils, gods, etc, are all human beings having different sorts of experiences. there is nothing else going on.

describing the creator's humanness as being temporary suggests that perhaps your mind is still trying to look away from the idea of a deity who is none other than a father in a very profound sense of the word, that you want to look away from the idea that you are the product of a perfectly kind, loving and generous man's erotic fantasy of being lovers with YOU, a fantasy that began a long long time ago and that is now in the latter moments before either its fulfillment or its failure to be fulfilled.

there is a god, a being who creates worlds and the souls who inhabit them, and we are made in his image and likeness - in other words, he is male human being. male human being is the one and only form of being that generates, manages and expresses the creative energy of existence, the soma that everything is made from.

and his genitals are involved in the act of creation that a god carries out in which souls are created as sparks of his overwhelming ecstasy, which occurs while he is having the fantasy of being lovers with all of those beings who wish to exist as men. he is a man with a lot of lovers because he has opened himself fully to being a conduit of love. he loves men and he knows that their only hope for a happy existence is if they accept and reciprocate his love. if they do not incarnate in his world and ultimately become his lover as he intended in his act of creating us, they have no hope of happiness, only of ruin. a man who is not willing to love his creator cannot really love anything, because the only reason he would spurn his own creator is if he is hampered in his ability to love by his own dark secrets. he is a sinner, and sinners don't really love, the best they can do is pretend to love.

men must become their creator's lover because there is no reason not to worship and be the lover of the embodiment of perfection, and any man who chooses not to is choosing not to because he has something that he wants to hide. men are built for perfection and imperfection wants to hide from perfection, darkness wants to hide from light, and thus imperfect men want to hide from the perfect man who made them. and this is the nature of sin, of man's separation from their maker. and finally men are given a chance to be rescued from the ocean of darkness and sickness that is the result of a whole world of people who prefer to be in denial of their own fathers' existence.

we all have resistance to this idea, and this resistance is called "ego" which is the voice of satan in the collective mind. satan is the ego and the ego would much rather worship itself than someone else, and you, like all men, are still identified to some extent with that voice. but it does seem like you have the ability to make your heart like that of a child and to open yourself to the love that the father has for his children. the problem is we've become adults, which he never had any intention of us becoming. "adult" is not the creator's idea. child is his idea, adult is satan's idea. we each need to unbecome an adult. and the way to do this will be given to people. the adult man is exactly what satan represents. a man who is in denial of god's existence who is trying in his own imperfect way to be his own god.

so, regarding the deity, you could say that "god" is an energy, god is the energy of love that everything is made of. and what i call the perfect masters, the perfect men who are in charge of managing reality, are the deities, the gods. and they are not "temporary," they are eternal as deities. the body of the christ will always be the temple that all of the children of god who incarnated in this world live in. there is a temple and it is a body and it is the body of a specific person, and that person is the one who sustains the deepest samadhi, the christ, the one son of the billions of sons who is perfect like the father who is perfect.

the ultimate deity, the father, is the father of many "sons," and each one is the deity of his own temple, each son has his own temple, and each temple lasts forever.

the father has always been and always will be. he is the perfectly good person who benefits from the laws of karma and has become infinitely wealthy. and over the course of time he has sons, one son at a time, one son for each turn of the wheel of creation, and that son becomes the charlie of the temple that gets built. every man is a son of god, but "the son" is the one who never descends into sin, but remains as pure as the father.

god produces billions of souls who participate in the goings on of the temple of existence, and only ONE of them is perfect, and he becomes the master of the temple forever. he sort of earns the right to be the master by doing exactly what i am doing right now, which is to cleanse the temple and remove the diseases, and the parasites who cause them, from the temple. existence only works when there is a temple that we all live in together, the temple is the body, and the temple needs to be the body of the ONE who has distinguished himself as perfect (in terms of his willingness to be in relationship with the father in the way the father wants to be in relationship with us) .

this is why jesus said that there were many rooms in his father's mansion. the father is the creator of many worlds, each one being a project like this one, in which the whole story plays out and one person plays the role of the christ, apollo, the sun god, and that person reigns forever as the deity, as the master controller, of that temple. ONE person needs to be the one to decide what exists with respect to each temple, and that person is the one who is perfect, whose body is the temple. charlie.

the temple is the basic thing that exists. it's the body of the deity, its a male human body and that's what it always will be.. there is nothing temporary about this whatsoever.. this is an eternal family with a patriarch that is building an ever-growing kingdom consisting of many worlds, all connected through some sort of "mansion of many rooms" this is perfection.

ok... thanks again for giving me a chance to fine tune these distinctions.

sincerely,

jeff

the deeper into the experience of awakening i go, the less sure i am regarding the abortion issue. previouusly i was pro-choice like any good liberal. now, from the perspective of knowing the living god, i see it differently because i see everything in terms of adulthood being a disease and childhood being a state of health, and that existence is like a stuggle between sinful adults and pure children. like, abortion is an act of violence against a being who has not committed a sin by someone who has commited the sin called fornication - having sex without true love, without inviting the creator to pariticipate. --- see, the child is conceived in sin, becuase he is conceived when a man has an orgasm because he is not in relationship with his master, the father of all men... and so we have a completely sinful way of conceiving children. abortion is a sickness that has reached epic proportions, and it is certainly true that any trauma endured by the unborn child is the result of teh parets sins of denial against god,

i guess i'd want to know how the creator himself feels about the adults who take all of the credit for parentage, sharing none whatsoever with the creator who is the TRUE parent, doing violence against the child that they think of as being "their own," but who is really his child. first you deny his parentage and take all the credit for generating the child, and then you do violence against his child; how could he not be offended by this?

because the parent denies the existence of god, the true parent of the child, abortion is a bit like making a blood sacrifice to satan.