october 15 7 pm./
just happened to notice rod stewart being interviewed by larry King.
add rod stewart to the list of performers of popular music from his and neil young's generation.,, our precious father would never have played the song that goes "if you think i'm sexy, and you want my body," at one of his festivals back in the 80s if the person who recorded it was not his lover. i really dont think he would do that. besides rod stewart is too damned sexy not to be one of us.
i like the thought that peter gabriel is one of us, how could he not be with a name and a life like that? i sure as heck hope he's bringing ALl of his fantastic world music friends.
if peter gabriel is listening, i want to tell him this: the three WOMAD festivals i attended in seattle were three of the greatest most enjoyable experiences of my life... absolutely excellent festival.
can we put Peter in charge of the music festivals in mommy and daddys world?
i had a very ecstatic experience, particularly the year that they brought in all the malians... there was a group called Tama,,,, can those guys play for us at the party?...the Kora sends me like no other instrument that i've heard.
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there is a man in seattle name Thione Diope from Senegal... he's the best hand drummer in these parts by a long country mile. maybe neil has or will relate the story of my interaction with him.. he told me at the solstice feast that he had never had the experience in the USA of a dancer equaling and exceeding his drumming,, challenging him to focus more intensely.. he'd never really seen someone dancing in a deep ecstatic trance in eight years of being a very prominent drummer here. i love thione. i gave him ten grand as a thank you for playing with me that night because it was such a powerful experience... i was on mass amounts of psilocybin that night probably well in excess of 5 grams, plus i'd taken some amanita... i have no doubt that I attracted attention from Pluto himself that night. he came there lookng to see what the distrubance was... i was really burning down the house. i blew the crowd completely out of the water that night, no one could really even look at me, even though something quite amazing and powerful was happening right in front of them..
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the other person who received a 10k boon from me recently was the teletubbie goddess,, we made a deal, she would give me one hour of her attention so i could share with her my experience... the 10k is what it would take to get her to focus on something so masculine.
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my mama is a part of this family i have no doubt, there's no way i would be born in this world through a woman who wasnt... i think she could be the wife of saturn who is the mother of the three sons, mahalia, or grandpa's wife the mother of earl green..
my mom received the techniques of Knowledge with me in the same knowledge session with Candy McNary, along with JOhn Parella, who i have mentioned appears to have died in meditation, which i have no doubt is a sign that he is a psychedelic person, one of us.
my mom never practiced the techniques as far as i know, but she let herself fall in love with maharaji. there was an amazing moment, one of the times i remember someone really beocming truly ecstatic while "giving satasng" at the local premie hall in seattle. basically she was relating her ecstatic experience at holi, and she was describing the experience of feeling maharaji's power in the experience eof the water. and she was saying "and he kept coming and coming and coming..." and i always thought, hmmm, that was a pretty sexy freudian slip... but really she's very sexual, because she is very good, and that was a really honest expression of what our Lord's love is really about.
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just wanna throw out the name of Laura R., a woman i know in seattle who has moved in the same circles, involved in organic and sustainable ag issues.. she always seemed angelic to me, an israelite like me, stuck here in babylon. how ever many of us there are in these parts, i would venture to say that a disproportionate number are probably involved in this sector of the community.. it's just a very natural expression for someone who really cares about life, obviously i think that since i have devoted a lot of energy in that realm.
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maybe you've seen it the seattle pi did this dorky little interview piece with me that was a monthly feature of a local "foodie" i tried to just express as best i could my general philosophy... but what i am thinking appropos of the comment above about real people naturally caring about agriculture issues - my father/lover neil being one. she asked me, if you could have a meal with one person who ever lived, who would it be... of course now i wish i had said Neil Young and Prem Rawat, but instead i named someone who i believe was me in a previous incarnation... thomas jefferson. i've always identified with him the most of any character from history. i guess there's nothing wrong with naming myself.. i guess i can be proud one way or the other for liking myself.
you all should know this: Marion Smith, are you out there somewhere? she was my fifth grade teacher and she adored me,, she told many people htat she believed i would grow up to be president... now, who could have recognized that in me but an israelite.. marion smith was a woman that i loved very much,, i was in her last class, she retired that year... i visited her a couple times in the ensuing years, only one of two students from her career who paid their respcts.. my most memorable teacher of all time.. i know she must be one of us. i wowed her and my fifth grade class by standing in front of the class and reciting all of the us presidents in order... i was quite patriotic about USA as a child, as i am again now that i've understood who we are.
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baby snowleopard seems to be in a space where she is at the end of her rope with this world,,, every conversation we have, several per day, she complains about how everyone is totally messed up;..
the Holy Father doesn't exert the influence of thought into the field of consioucness that he holds himself around. its just a completely still presence.;.. but pluto's in there looking away trying to create a pole, a gravitational field, its like the first interference with the samadhi of God is Pluto and its his big ugly ego, as far as i can see. its like there's the overarching all seeing presence of Jupiter, and then over there on the upper right hand side of the picture is Satan looking, pulling energy and attention toward the thought of self as seperate from the GOd who is everything... he is rebel in the PUREST sense, he refuses to let his brother Jupiter fulfill his role... unless he's just doing it on purpose for the sake of the story.. i guess for me it keeps coming back to this question, is Sauron Pluto? i keep coming back to the idea that Pluto originally plays the role of the rebel, just to set the stage for the unfolding story,., and then throws in his lot with Satan later. thinking no one can defeat Satan, so then he's in a pickle, he thinks satan cannot be defeated so he throw in his lot with him.. if this is the case then that sucker must be really unhappy to see me busting satan.
but then there's Greendale's satan, hitchiking to alaska..
i have devoted massive amounts of my writings to this puzzle of Reuben, who is he, really... and i think that this is like a huge KOAN that is a part of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, this sort of burning question of who is this figure anyway, which side is he on.. i think its designed this way to sort of make it like a koan, keeping us puzzling/. Neil Rawat spiritual mastery is very evident to me in his use of koans, but this KOAN is a p art of the primordial story that our Most Holy Father wrote.. the question of Satan's allegiences is his koan, as i see it in this moment.
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Oh my goodness, i think a few of you might enjoy this... i visited my mom yoday.. she had all this jeff paraphenalia out on the table when i arrived, cute baby and teenager pictures... do you guys realize what an amzing head of hair i had back in those days, like 18, 19, that age that Neil always seems to throw around like it was some magic age??? i sure do miss that hair.. a lotta people told me i looked like either Dylan or Jaggar.
so anyway, here's the cool thing, she had this hand written page of poems i wrote during that late teenage period. i have to say, i was fairly impressed by what i came up with as my first poems. here is the very first poem i ever wrote, SPEAKING OF KOANS, this is truly amazing, look at the very first line of the very first poem i ever wrote: "Life is puzzles," I mean, its like the first words i ever uttered as a poet are like: "Life is a Koan" so here it is:
Life is puzzles,
People run around
What are the answers?
They don't care.
x x x
What is a star?
Is it but a tiny light,
Seen by all the people,
Dark in the day,
Shining at night?
Or is it a blazing sun?
Small-
For it is far,
But oh!
Ever so bright?
x x x
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(the x x x is written on the original)
OK so now, if you really ponder this poem, you would say it was written by a spiritual master, who just didnt happen to know this about himself yet.. i'm sorry, but if i came across that in a book of poems i would be floored... maybe i'm overly proud of this first poem, but i really like it. i mean it asks an extremely profound and relevant question about the nature of phenomena occuring in consciousness, very rare to see anything like this,,, and it was first poem...
my poems were all about how messed up people are... here's the second one.
The wind blows,
the man deals.
the waves break,
the man steals,
the stars shine,
the man never feels,
the mountains stand,
the nations war,
the child cries,
the clouds hear,
they cry too,
People say "rain."
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i mean that just blows my mind,, the man never feels,,,, and the child cries. wowwoowowow
Neil were you with me all the way back then??? i'm sorry but i have to say i am stunned by both of these.
ok here, this is the first one that has a title, it's called "After"
AFTER
In a million years
the trees will grow
the wind will blow
Forever stars will shine
-the moon still there.
the oceans. the water,
ALways the sands will hear
the waves on the beach
in endless sound.
The ruins will fall
the statues -
Erosion will reach
But never
Never the mountain
shall not be found.
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i am getting my mind totally blown,, i didnt know the word sublime when i wrote these thirty years ago. but these are sublime.. these are some of the best poems i have ever read, sorry, but honest expression is my game. My Lord and Lover, Prem Rawat is an incredible poet. I would very much like to hear him tell me that he likes mine. I wrote that "for poetry i was born" before i ever heard of Prem Rawat, but now I surely do know that I was indeed born to sing his praises, and i am sure i will do so in verse.
OK and so here is number 4 - I am transcribing using upper and lower case (and a spelling error?) as i hand printed them, also the periods are just there to create an indent.. i am not proficient enough to indent with this program.
unnamed poem, by Jeff
FOR POETRY
.....I was born
Yesterday
.....I did not know
Today
.....I am sure
Tommorrow
......I may forget.
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and then years later I will remember and never forget again. reading these has brought me to tears.
the author of these poems deserves a little bit of attention and recognition.
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What is PLUTO REALLY??????
this is the AHA of the KOAN of good and evil
Pluto is the one who is messing with things by having the freaking idea of an adult...
he simply wants to be an adult.. he doesnt want to be a child... he creates the very idea of adulthood before anything else happens.; end of story.
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you get deep enough into the picture story of hte knowleddge of good and evil and there's pluto, thinking his really bad thought. really bad...
so now that i think that picture came into focus,, i wonder if maybe Pluto will just relax his thought, and just come and be a child with us... come on Pluto, you've done your part, lets get back to playing now....
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so, i dont know if that is the last picture, but i feel that i am getting very close to the moment we've all been waiting for...
OK so here's the next piece.. PUZZLING, really WANTING TO KNOW the answer to a question INEVITAVBLY leads to the truth... "seek and ye shall find." that has to be the jesus quotation that i have used the most in this life,, i have said that to people many times.
KOANS work, there are an effective tool.. they work and i explained how a few days ago...
and the biggest KOAN of all is the one i've been working on all my life.... "What the heck is my existence all about?" that's about all the koan you need, but obviously neil has somethings to offer in this department, because there are the somewhat discomforting double meanings of the koans he sent me.. the ambiguity of the zen, or the Neil Rawat koan are an aid to the clearing out of darkness in the Temple. by the way neil young could have easily been a famous zen master who came up with koans
i have been really thinking that Japan is allied with us, like, i like this idea that the japanese imperial family is truly royal. i have always had an affinity for things japanese, my first move after dropping out of college was to go to a zendo for a couple months and later got heavily interested in george oshawa and the macrobiotic philosophy. i would say that there has to be a rawat influence in japanese style koan based zen buddhism. my own early gravitation to zen buddhism supports this too.
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maybe all that samurai stuff was just P Max training his men in "The Art of War"" speaking of which, no doubt SUn Tzu is a rawat property,, this idea coming to me form saussy... who of course doesnt mention the rawat name, but is telling the world who they are in vague terms. he says P Max is the author of Sun Tzu.. i have no reason to disbelieve...
i am giving my family more credit for the good htings of this world than anyone has ever attributed to one family,,, but when you think about what this world really is, a sperm lie detector test basically, then its no surprise if EVERYTHING of quality in ths world comes from the father whose purposes this world fulfills.
i guess you could say that what i just about pluto being the original disturbance to the serenity of the temple, is pretty much like saying this:
When Prem Rawat once used the word "Mind" to describe the human affliction, he was talking about the afflictions of Babylon that i speak of, allah, Oedipus, etc., but of course Pluto is where it all begins, he wants to have a world of adults.. he WANTS to be an adult... just because he can't be a kid because he has no humility.
no humility, no kid, no kid, no peace in the temple, no peace in the temple, 26000 year war, ending in the defeat of Pluto and the establishment of an adult-free Temple, a temple that no adult can enter with their shut down hearts.... its just not possible... its not like we need to worry about them ruining things, or even of a renegade like pluto, prince rauven. because you can;t resonate with the temple, you will be in "hell" existing without being in the vibratoinal frequency of teh temple.
this reminds me of Mckenna quoting Blake once again, McKenna seems to really like Blake (himself in another life?) , something - and Neil knows about this one too - about "falling off of the spiral that leads from life to life." WHILE I WAS in one of those three hell experiences, maybe the second one, was when i heard or read that quotation of blake by mckenna, and i was like - "oh no, that's me, i've fallen out of the frequency of the consciousness.." i mean i didnt think those particualr words, just, "what he is saying applies to me," and that's sort of how i understood it.
really that's what pluto does with his devil dust... he knocks you out of the vibrational frequency of the temple.
and its hard to get back in.,, but after the third time, i knew it was OVER. i KNEW that i could never again have the experience that i called falling into hell, which is pretty accurate,,, its when you are looking at phenomena but not resonating on the same frequency somehow. it has to do with the heart,, its llike the frequency of vibraoitn in the temple is a frequency emitted and sensed by the heart. that's what holds us in that frequency where the communication of the heart take place... its a frequency that we all MUST be on because we all have a heart and its a sense organ that tunes to a frequency like a radio. and if you lose that bandwidth and fall into shame and doubt and remorse, you will never get back, if you feel that you failed somehow.
that first fall into Sir Whinney's dungeon - and now i remember its HIS face i saw in there, no? i never could figureout who that was, it didnt seem like either the person i thought of as satan, reuben, or martin the beast who stole the breath, and it wasnt cain,,, its freakiing SATAN in there, and i realized today that i probably lifted him OUT of his PIT on that day.... rescued him from his own hell, IS THIS FREAKING TRUE???? so that he could come and parasitise me all over again... i mean i dont htink he would have made such a good impression on me if he was still down in that pit..
anwyway, i switched topics mid sentence there, because that is a big question, did i release that bastard from his own dungeon by falling into it/?? how much did Satan pay his pal Pluto to get him out of there at my expense???? that was SUCH an unbeoieveable horrible experience to be in THAT hell..
and i know that what that hell is, is avoidance of the experience that i have yet to have.l.. i remember that there was very scary stuff around those parts of the Mind, but i dont remember, but i have an idea about the holy of holies that is different from i have previously indicated, and Neil knows what i am speaking of.
each time i fell, i came back out simply by resonating on a frequency of love. not shame, guilt, remorse, anything, i just wanted to make the most of it. so that first most HORRENDOUS experience i got into a frame of mind of thinking that maybe everyone else up there could benefit somehow by a sort of sacrifice that i was making... that one really GOOD person somehow had to be sacrificed, and it was me,,, and so i put myself in a positive mind frame and suddenly POOOF! that illusoin vanished into a powerfully rapturous experience....
WOW,.. so meditation on love is what got me back into the Temple by tuning the heart back to the fequency of LOVE that sustains our phenenomenal plane of existence, YOU DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT BEING IN A TEMPLE,,, no [,,,, IT IS not fun at allllllllll) it is so completely horrendous....
its love.. people are relying on the vibrational quality of the Temple that we live in, the field of consciousness which is generated by the Rawat and friends... everyone else is oblivious to the existence of this reality... but you are 100% dependent upon those people who are generating the vibrational frequency of consciousness in the temple, which is about to be elevated to a much finer frequency... wow.,, the implications are so huge..
i've been telling people for two years that there is a VERY HORRENDOUS experience that is the consequence of failing to understand and accept the truths that i have been speaking that are an absolutely irrefutable reality, and yet NO ONE seems to be concerned about the welfare of their immortal selves. it's just unreal.,,,
"that guy singing this song, he's been doin' it for a long time, is there anything that he know that he ain't said..." -- there got it that time,,,
sing a song for freedom
sing a song for love
sing a song for depressed angels
fallin form above;
i kind of like the line where grandpa says, when i was young we wore what we had on,,
maybe grandpa doesn't mind that i wear the same clothes for weeks at a time...
oh...here's one for Slick Willie: I haven't worn either boxers OR briefs in years...
so what's your problem, you say you wear both, or are you just pretending to be oedipus.. which of course YOU ARE><<<< !!!!!!! <<<<<>>>>> we figured that one out yesterday....
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OK so here's what the conclusion is of all this about hell, temple frequencies etc.
WHen i pass throw Satan's wall of death i will be establishing a new temple and a super fine adult-proof frequency that only initates can resonate on,,, so Neil's temple will continue at this adult-friendly frequency for seven years in which time, if you can get in my temple, cool, in that case you are certainly welcome because you have the heart of a child, and after seven years, the Neil temple closes down and he's done with his ordeal and we can all just party our heads off forever,,, while " the big red furnace just glows and glows."
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and for those who cannot attain the new temple frequency, whose numbers are in the billions, will be in a very very unfortunate circumstance... crime really just doesnt pay, that's all there is to it,,, and this should silence any debate that has persisted aobut this truth... crime absolutely does not pay... and good always vnaquishes evil, thanks to our glorious mother and father, who had the idea of a perfect world, a simple one, the world that human beings would automatically have, as long as no one like Pluto shows up to ruin everything.
And since we have learned that if you let six billion people come into a world you will have almost six billion Pluto's and Allahs. So you gotta sort out that sperm,,, its kind of like "sexing" chicks to cull out the roosters.
like our Lord says, the perfect masters seperate the milk from the water... its a winnowing process..
So the story is a story about the SAGA of a succession of four temples, each one stronger than the last.. and the final result is a temple utterly impervious to lies, sickness, death, anything that isnt LOVE, JOY, GRATITUDE, PEACE, ECSTACY and whatever other things that resonate on that frequency... like our precious father's Name.
it occured to me to return to this really out there idea that i have that elton john is in the family..
i think i've said that before but now i had a thought to day about a particular lyric that sort of comes to mind when i say this, or that supports the idea:
form the song, don't let the sun go down on me.,, which certainly has a provative ring to it,,, what's the matter ELton, I wont bite you, I promise,,, i'll be gentle,,, pplease elton??????
any sorry, i couldnt resist,,, its this lyric that i was thinking of..
"All my pictures, seem to fade to black and white... "
-whose pictures? what temple are you talking about?
it almost sounds like its him talking about his own problems wiht his own temple,, does he live in a different temple frequency with just one person bernie atupin or something really totally bizarre like that???
when i saw the TV flash this scene, probably a lot of you folks were therel of some kind of great concert honoring elton john, a huge tribute of some kind, it was very random, i had no idea where this image came form even, its like it was just a few seconds,, but he was sitting there accepting the admiration, and i was like, he looks very deeply at peace. he has a look of enlightenment in his posture, he looks god like.
Is he coming to my temple??
and the image i have, and even though its like about a one in a trillion chance that i am anywhere near nailing anything at all with any of my vague elton john feelings, is that it was like this is captain john green and he had finally come ashore into greendale. he had ended some kind of holed out against grandpa and earls temple.
the name JOhn is a clue.
so there,, the only other thing that i can say about elton john and this is SO extremely subtle, but i was really into elton john when i was a teenager, before i ever was introduced to neil.. once i heard neil it was over, now the explanation there that would fit with my bizarre theory,, at least you get to see how i think, is that neil is on a more sublime level,, like eltons temple is just not veyr strong.. its too hard to be neptune and keep your own private little temple going. he's got a couple of lovers, the helmsman and the mate??? i sometimes thought the helmsman and the mate where neil and me. i dunno, just sharing how the pscyhedelic mind pieces things toggether, even if i miss this one completely.;
the next piece of my little elton john puzzle is his incredibly flamboyant persona,,, he lives in a temple that is not diseased by Pluto.. Pluto's messing with jupiter's temple. so he's much more free to be what he wants to be... he obviously has amale lover, and if it's elton john then the relationship between he and bernie taupin mmight sort of make sense, this seemingly very intensely personal relationsihp between them. and in his more purely pscehdelic tmeple he can imagine himself being whatever he wants - you can do that in our tooo elton! - and so coming into this world is like so drab for him he cant help being flamboyant because he doesnt really live in this world.
so its a controversy in the family, based on neil depictions of captain john green, things he says about how grumpy he is, how he doesnt come into greendale and he's OBVIOUSLY neptune, so the only quesiotn who is neptune, not what's his problem,, he's got his won temple and its weak nad difficult, and the main question is, who is it/ and elton john makes sense... he's someone that neil would take a jab or two at, maybe in jest,
the one other piece is this memory ftom when i was a fan and i had a copy of the greatest hits album, and i have a distinct memory of thinking that my father should really like this picture of elton john.. i wanted my father to like get into elton john, my father, i now realize is none other than saaturn. so that fits too, that subliminal feeling that my dad should experience elton john, i never really felt that way about anything like that with respect to my father.. so that's another liitle shred. of evidence...needless to say, if elton john happens to really be neptune, this is truly an astounding intuition based on tiny fragment of impressions.
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I need to say something about a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON who i have hardly mentioned, and you probably all know how i am talkin about... Carling Green.
When I was looking at the family tree a whle ago when i was writing about my mom, i was reminded that Carling is actually the SON of Arius Green, our Lord Prem Rawat, and the brother of Neil Rawat, according to my understanding of the family, and Carling is my brother Bill... and I just can't imagine what kind of feelings Our Precious Lord must have about my brother NBill and his experince in this life... its just a little bit strong the feeling that i get when i really allow myself to understand that Bill is my uncle a brother of neil and the son of Prem Rawat....
Stunning.
I have written some about my belief that the dispossessed men of htis world who are like my brother bill, who has a completely OPEN HEART are mostly people like him... i feel that from many of the panhandlers and streeet poeple i see. i published rants about this,, but i have a feeling that i probably have not done fair justice to the plight to which the adults of this world have subjected really excellent people like my really excellent brother bill, who is a lot like me in many many ways, and i have always felt VERY close to him, like the two of us know one antoher deeply and resonate on very similar frequency..
he is a lover.. and he's Yearning for that experience of loving the master, he masterbates habitually, but of course that love just isnt there for him now, its too distant..
i had an inredible erotic feeling for him for a long time around the age of 16 or so, onset of sexual maturity, wahtever you want to call that disease that turns boys into adults, i wanted desperately to masturbate with him, but he just wasnt quite as free as me.l.. he's not as clear or asa strong, but he has a really big heart
and if Prem Rawat the almighty creator of this world has a son who has been entirely marginalized solely because he is an open hearted child-like adult, who pretty much just wants to love.l.. he must be a real temple rat,,, do we use that term>?? he must like being with the boys.. he's very into eroticism and i wouldnt be surprised if he can be detected in the temple at times,,, is this true?? anyway if Prem Rawat has a son who has been so marginalized because of his open heart, then i have a feeling that the world will be hearing from him about his feelings regarding their ... how shall i say.... evil ways is probably good enough.
anyway, i've been trying to encourage my brother that this is all happening, that we will be in "a better place" soon, and it felt like he really felt it was true..
you know, of all men that i know, i would have to say that my own brother bill who is my uncle in teh familyu tree is the ONLY man, other than Lane who i told you about, who likes listening to me talk aobut my epxerience. in fact, he is even more able to focus his mind on my speaking aobut my experience than ANYONE at all of either gender who i have spoken with...
in other words, my brother Bill Fairhall is the most enlightened perrson i have spoken with since i began to speak about these sublime experiences.l., because he is the only one who really likes listening to me talk aobut it.. so here's one of the most "enlightened" by what i maintain is the single most relevant and the only measurable criteria for calling someone enlightened.... and he lives as a homeless vagabond, because he's not finding anyone resonating on his heart frequency...
you see, Neil told me in greendale that he and i are the only kids left, or maybe its jed and sun are the only kids left,,, except for carling... its like, we're the only ones in the temple, those whose hearts are open..
so my brother bill is suddenly going to become a topic of discussion that occurs, cause if his father or his brother doesnt say anything his nephew, who also happens to be his brother in this life, will certainly say something... i love my brother, and he's a survivor, so he'll be fine, and hopefully will be with us soon.
neil's probably already filled folks in on bill .... i regret never having said enough about him til now.
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i sent my mom an e mail that was just about the name rawat and the visual effect... my mom is a visual artist, into very subtle visual experience, so i wanted her to LOOK at the name.
she sent me back an email just sayin she looked at it, nothing in paticular. i went back and opened the email and looked at it, and i realized that the name is a meditation... you LOOK at it i suggested she try to look at it like a visage, but then when i looked at it again i realized that there is something a little bit like the sound of the true Name. the W really pulls the attention into the third eye... i think i will spend some time on this..
i think this is a very significant revelation.. there is smoething important here,, the sight this name will be a menace to people,just as the sound of the name will be. no? because its too sublime.. lookin at the name is sublimne.. very amazing. and its so familiar... all of this is,,the whole Story is familiar,, because its knowldge
we all have always had access to knowledge, and when we realize we are just remembering. this name is a part of the story of hte KNowledge of Good and Evill.l. it's something in this world that is not of this world. like the true name.. people in this world can't have this experience, if you can have it you;ve attained a new level of enlightenment.
...................................................rawat..................................................
My dear Holy Father, how did you come up with all of this amazing stuff??
the deeper you get into Knowledge the greater the sense of deja vu... and when we arrve in the temple, we recall all that there is to recall,, or so it would seem, logically.
holding the attenton on the Name (rawat) is a VERY powerful meditation practice... and of course, i KNEW that..
people will not be able to focus on that name, and that alone could be a test of some kind and the thing that "comes to mind" is that this could be a test emplyed the outcome of which could be either something like a 666 on the forehead or the word rawat, depending on their ability to look at the name. wild. amazing.
either i am losing it or i am coming up with some good stuff.
how the heck does that work.. it is like the f word.. people will have trouble with it.
its like there is a 'word" and a "name" and i always assumed they were one and the same..
but the name and the word could be rawat and the word.
Prem Rawat once referred to his third techbique as the HOly Name technique, which would sort of belie what i am saying here. i dunno know, but i am finally groking the power of hte rawat name,. but i KNEW that..
my mom was nonchalant about it, she said whe would return to it... i wonder if some others would have had a disorineting experience, or just would be willing to look at it.
if i just stare long enough, will i see you in the temple?? of course, no.???
maybe i bestowed this name upon myself prematurely it seems like the name becomes yours when you have the experience that staring at it can induce,,, i guess i will be trying this out...
our sweet mother's distress these days so coincides what is happening here. i so want her to have the comfort and happiness that she so deserves..
just sent this e mail to my mom
^^^^^^^
i feel more than just pressure in my head! i feel like i can love this name,,, i can look at it and sort of emrace it.,,, can almost feel it.
"and i'm getting blown away, to somewhere safer where the feeling stays, i want to love you but i'm getting blown away..."
maybe it's just imagination,,, no pun intended, but i feel something... theres a feeling that you get looking at it,... there's something very much like the subtlty of the f word, to it, but obviously its visual and not audible in nature. it gives that erotic feeling...
i'm saying all this in between looking at it in ten to twenty second increments.. i am making these observations having only spent maye a total of a couple of minutes actually focusing my eyes on it with intent.
which is probably significant.
i get it!!!!!!
there is something about looking at this name that will cause dizziness... its an anti-alcohol thing...
maybe this is what takes me to meet Sir Whinney... that came after another twenty seconds of looking at it.
i feel like neil could really chanell through me if i stare at this name... this may be a tool emplyed by the famoly... no additional time spent coming up with this, i feel it.,, its just the samadhi feeling.. we are one, one are we, are we one - i havent figured that one out yet, but it pertains in some way.
OK so with a total of about a minute actually staring at it, and i want to start rolling my head in the infinity symbol while looking at this. ..and of course Ccrrraaaccckkkkk! more of oedipus falling away....
how's my book report coming along daddy??? "how to use the media..." anyone wonder for a millisecond whether that one could have ever gone over my head in a million years.????
is this the newspaper that grandpa reads in the morning??
tehre is somethign about the W that sort of reminds me of this picture i have of being brought into the temple by my perfect master,,,, like the W is him somehow in the temple,,, just sharing the very first rough impressions...
i think it flat out comes down to this... when you look at the name rawat, what will matter is if you truly love this family in your heart or not... that's all... if you can love, you're in, if not you're not in...
its something like that... can you feel love, if you can you can look at it..
some people will be spooked by it, i just have a feeling that it will cause a problem,, its like staring at the sun, but obcviously it would not appear to be asking someone to do something that they have never done, doesnt appear radical, but it is subtly a very strong experience,,, i dont understand fully why, by i think its just because its a part of the story of the knowledge of good and evil, its a picture as i;ve already noted inthe past few days,..
neil telling me that 'we are all named rawat" was a big clue, it really made me stop, which of course he was wanting to give me clues to bring attention to the name without telling me to,.. he's never advised me, he's ony perplexed me...
ive been having this experience for months of seeing the ether, ever since i had the ether expeirence at shine,,, now i am aware if i stare at something i can begin to see into the ether,, but this feels like it will bring my attention into the ether faster than maybe anything else.
people know, but are just gnoring the whole story, all the pictures are there and were witnessed at some point in time,, so this is potentially menacing because people subliminally know that this name presents a problem for evil... for darkness.. for sin... you know that this name is associated with the all seeing eyes that you once knew were a reality but that you've been ignoring... and so this is a reminder, and if there are things to hide, then its like uh-oh, i forgot about this.... very powerful subliminal terror of this name within sinners.
and thus the wheel that churns out souls - the sperm mill inside the gonads of the father- who have the opporuntity to show their stuff to the perfect and only father,, and a large percentage of them end up being recycled.
it's a part of the story of the Knoweldge of Good and Evil, that 's the bottom line. it is an official archetype of the story upon which the saga of sperm proving themselves to hteir father is based... the story is like the template of the journey that the six billion sperm take,, and this is a part of the story, and we all had a look at the whole story in the beginning, and you sure as heck canb't balme someone else for the fact that you ignored the informatoin that htye provided you with at the appropraite time, when you came into being...
that which i now believe is what is called the holy of holies.... i think i am almost ready for it..
it's quite stunning to anticipate what i cant comprehend, but that i know is unbelievably intense.,,, its scary, i wish i didnt have to do this alone,,, maybe i wont.,, but i will be ready because its destiny and i have two amazing fathers taking good care of me.
but i will be going through alone, and of course, i will come out the other side a different sort of animal, so to speak.... ;-)
i just have to remember that just like joewhinney's alcohell, the one i fell into, not the other one, its just an illusion created by someone elses sickness and i just have to sit up straight and confident, trusting ny fathers that its gonna be OK,,, and then just let go and let it happen.,,,,
and then we shall party, because i know that once i am through there i will no longer be sitting alone in a hotel room with no one to love me,,, ;
i was informed MANY months ago, subliminally that i would endure one second of this experience,,, many months.. and have been anticipating it ever since..
the letter "a" in this style of type is what it is because rawat is what it is, not the other way...
time for some chocolate, which really probably should be the only food i am eating.., its the only food that doesnt feel useless,.,,, it's about all i eat, but like today my mom wanted to visit, and of course she had to feed me,, and what's a son of a worrying sort of mom to do but oblige???
i have no doubt that she is a part of the royal family.
i may have spoken but not written this one... i believe that the inclusion of opium in the panoply of entheogens in james arthurs picture- you know the one - is for everyone but me,,, i am the one who does this without the opium,,, others pass through this with the aid of oopium, no???
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