jeff@isaacsword.com
i've been using the word that i believe is the name of our father and creator, in the context of speaking about him, and yet i sense that i am on the edges of impropriety in doing so. i believe that it may indeed by unspeakable in that we can never say it with the apprpriate reverence, i don't know, but i do know that i feel uncomfortable when i use it. just wanted to say this. needless to say, i pray that i haven't offended my master if i have used his name inappropirately in these writings.
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the meek shall inherit the earth! YES! the king of the meek will sit on the throne of the perfect world that will be given to the meek. and the arrogant, those who remain arogant even when offered salvation from their sickness, will inherit the fruits of their own choices, which they will fully deserve.
seattle is a pregressive city, it is a liberal city, it is an "enlightened" city, and it is a city of people who, when you probe into their psyche's, hate the idea of a living god. you could say, seattle, (babylon/jerusalem) is a godless city. it is full of people who wish and hope that they will never be known by their own creator. it is full of people who seem to have something that they want to hide from their creator.
i certainly grant that a person could reasonably disbelieve that the world, and we, were created. i considered myself an atheist during the period of my adolescence, until about the first time i smoked cannabis and realize that there was more to life than our "normal" senses were informing us about and that "god" is not a concept but relates to the nature of the psyche itself.
anyway, it's one thing to have come to a belief that there is not a god, that all that exists is a dead universe that appeared myseriously out of nothingness and that is destined to either collapse back into nothingness in a black hole, or to gradually burn itself out.... that somehow something infinite and living and multidimensional, consciousness, the medium of experience, could arise from something finite and lifeless, and of limited dimension, from "matter. "
but the deeper question that ought to be considered by everyone who lives in this world is not teh question of whether or not we all have a common father who created us and this universe, but rather a more hypothetical question, namely, IF there was such a god, could we accept him, could we honor him, could we appreciate him, could we love him, could be worship him if he is worthy of worship. could we allow ourselves to be known by him, would we be acceptable to him, would we be pleasing to him, would we care what he thought of us.
for many people in babylon the apparant answer, from what i can see, is that a living god, even a perfect one, even a flawless one, even one who is utterly unimpeachable in everything that he does, even one who comes to deliver perfect justice, is abhorrant to them.
and the matter of whether or not there is a god completely aside, in my opinion such are contemptable for being people who WOULD NOT WANT TO BE KNOWN BY THEIR MAKER IF THEY HAD ONE. they are sinners, whether or not there is a god who punishes sinners, and they know it deep down, and this is why they dont want a god, and they need to get over their sickness or they are going to realize that they will hate themselves forever..
it's not a matter of whether there is a god, what matters is the disposition of a human being, and how a person WOULD see him or herself before a perfect father. that matters. it matters what you are. it matters whether you feel good about yourself, it matters whether or not you are in denial. it matters whether you are a sinner, whether you commit transgrassions and then hide and deny them, it matters whether you have been indoctrinated into the sicknesses of oedipus and allah and therefore hate the idea of a living father who made you.
and thank god there is a living god who delivers his children from those who would deny their creator the right to exist, who forces people to face their own conscience and deal with the crimes of which they are in denial. thank god that our father saves us from the brutes and bullies who want to force the goodness out of boys, who hate how goodness in a boy makes them feel. who kill boys who love their own fathers and sons. who kill boys who want to love them!
what kind of self esteem is that, when a son does not want to be known by his father or a father does not want to be known by his son, or a brother by a brother? what kind of self-image does such a person have?
i am proud of who i am, i want my father to admire me and appreciate my goodness, i want him to be pleased with me. i want to be loved and admired by my father... i want him to look at me, and look into my heart and be proud of who I am... i want him to know me and to appreciate my efforts to be good, to have been worth being created, to know that i have pleases my maker. i confess, i want my father and creator to worship me like i want to worship him,,, because i know that a perfect being like him must really appreciate what it takes to achieve perfection, and that he would see a perfect son as being something admirable to the point of worship... i know that i am the only hope that he gets what HE wants out of the deal.. having fathered six billion souls, many of whom fight against him, defy him, hate him, reject him, i cant imagine that he is not hoping that at least one person will crawl on their hands and knees back to him to say i love you, thank you, i want to be what you want me to be,,, i want that to make him pleased, i want that to make him excited, i want that to make him so happy that he wants to worship me?
Why? am i the most arrogant person the world has ever known that i say i want the god almighty, who is the owner of everything that exists, to worship me? NO! I know what an exquisite experience it is to worshp perfection... i know that this is the ultimate experience, and i want my lover, my father, my maker to have the opportunity to experience this joy of admiring perfection... yes, he is perfect himself; and i think he would rather admire the perfection of something that he had created to be perfect rather than just sit there staring at his own reflection admiring that... he is not narcissus, that is satan, this god wants to give, this god has humility, this god wants to allow others to have and enjoy what he has... he wants to worship the fulfillment of his own efforts of the past many thousand of years, that fulfillment being the production of ONE and ONLY ONE son who returns to him in the manner that i am returning to him, that is, to have found him and laid my head at his feet, without anyone pointing the way, without anyone helping me on the path to this perfect experience of god realization, of returning to the source.. i am like the one and only salmon that made it all the way back to the spawning grounds where i was made... .
why would i hate the idea of him existing and knowing me? because i hate myself? because i do not admire myself? because i do not consider myself good and admirable, worthy of a father capable of making me?
i want my father to be overwhelmed in his satisfaction with what i have made of myself, with what i have become, with how i have respected the gift of life, of existence, that he has given to me.,,, i want him to know and appreciate the care that i have taken of his creation and the respect with which i have treated my brothers and sisters, his other beloved children,,, i want my father to approve of me, to commend me, to admire me, to love me, to accept me back into the love that he made me from....
i wish for an opportunity to know and be known by my creator so that i can thank him for the precious gift that he has given me.,, i want to admire him in his beauty, i want to serve him, i want to please him in any way that i can,,, i want to worship him, i want to be one with him, i want to celebrate our love for one another with him,,, why would i ever wish that he did not exist, that i could hide from him, that i could be in denial of him???
i have a longing for my father, and i beleive that he has a longing for me, and that this longing of fathers for their sons and sons for their fathers is the very source of everything,, and i want to fulfill that source, i want to allow that thirst be quenched, to allow that hunger to be satisfied. there is no love like it, and those who wish to deny it are afraid of it because they know, deep down, that they have ugly secrets that they had hoped to bury forever,, , what a misfortune to have allowed evil, to have allowed sin, to have allowed sickness, to have allowed weakness, to come between you and your creator, so that now you want to scurry down into hell in order to avoid being known by the one who made you so that you could have the blessing of loving and being loved by him... how terribly unfortunate... i dearly want you to be saved from this darkness, from this mistake that you have made that you have become something that wants to hide from its maker.,.
what an insult. what a failure. what a waste of a human life, that when it comes time to stand before its maker, it cringes and falters, and panics, and turns away, and runs away and falls away, into a pit of despair at having failed in existence by being unable to stand before your father, your maker and be known and seen and loved. please climb out of that hole and get yourself ready to be purified of all of that sickness and failure.
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the above is appropos of the following:
once again, i have had a conversation with a friend (NS) who, when you get right down to it, abhors the idea of a living creator, of a father who knows and loves him... abhors! how sad, men, not wanting to have a loving father who really knows their hearts and loves them. he doesnt want a father who knows and loves him, and yet he is a father of a son himself... why? what is the point of being father of a son, if you dont really want to engage with your son. if you dont want him to know you or you to know him, if you dont KNOW you cant love, and so he has a son whom he has chosen not to love. and so he has fulfilled his role in the indoctrination of one more generation into the denial of god's existence, aka, into adulthood, which is pretty much synonamous with denial of god's existence.
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i just listened to "when god made me" for the first time on neil's website. now listening to the sound of the prairie wind...
it's like he's describing a crop circle, the no war thing that sun green makes... he even calls it a "crop sign" why does he use the word "crop"? i've been saying that i believe he may be the one who is making the crop circles.
i noticed he uses the past tense, did god envision all the wars that were fought in his name? i guess now they will fight their really big war without doing so in the name of the god who is love. can you imagine how offensive that is to god, using him to justify killing when he himself gives his children the commandment thou shalt not kill.
after the rapture, the nation of israel will come back to the world and say, look, these are our gods, look at how prosperous and generous they are, look at how happy we are with them... look at them, they are not afraid to open their hearts,,, here is our King, he is a sweet boy who is not afraid to love, he the most powerful spiritual master this world produced by virute of his open heart, and his power is manifest in that he will sit in front of the world and show himself worshiping his father, show his love, show his admiration, show his appreciation of his father and creator for both his father and all of the world to see. here is a king who loves, who is kind, who is brave, who is heroic, who is humble, who is meek, who is generous, who is willing to be what a human being is intended to be, even when the whole world wants to stop him.
and they will have a king, one way or the other,,, either it will be the lover of god, the christ, or the one who kicked him in the nuts, oedipus rex, the antichrist.
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i'm cookin up a couple of the first mushrooms of the season, picked a couple days ago and dried,, amanita that is...
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it is the truth that anyone who is capable of experiencing the entire experience that there is to be had of breath itself can have a far superiot experience just sitting still and breathing than a person who is not capahle of experiencing the entire experience that there is to be had of breath itself can possibly having doing anythng whatsoever... it is far better to be conscious doing nothing at all, than to be unconscious and doing anything.
the dreams and wishes of every person who fails to learn how to breath will all falter and fail.
the dreams and wishes of every person who succeeds in learning how to breath will be fulfilled.
it begins with breath, and once you have learned to feel yourself breath throughout the entire experience of a breath, you will know what an incredible blessing that you have been saved from never having learned how to breath before it was too late. you might think of yourself as a human being, but actually, if you never learn how to breath then you never really became what a human being is... your father is here to teach you how to breath now, so that you can become what a human being is, which is a happy being, a being with nothing to fear or to hide. i hope you will accept the gift now that it will be offered, to become a fulfilled human being.
******
i like the idea that sun green has a twin sister, of course named moon.. brother son sister moon.. magdelain and jesus,, apollo and diana. its pretty beatiful to think of a perfect brother and sister, twins, who are lovers, i mean, what could be more intimate and loving than that??? this is a family that is loving beyond belief. i mean, this green family has a lot of love.... its overwhelming to think of, and i hope that every souls who is worthy of partaking in happiness will join our family, the eternal family of heaven with the patriarch who is the very embodiment of perfect goodness.
i can honnestly say that i am 99% certain that my master's true name is Fuck, but i dont know if i would give 1000:1 odds on it,,, and if my master's name is something else, then surely i will love him just as much or even more, because i have no doubt whatsoever that he is perfect. but here's the thing... i am that sure because i know that he and i think alike, and i just cant possibly imagine a better name, under the present curcumstance of this world, which are exactly the circumstances that were what history, a story written by our master, had always been intended to produce, and this being the moment when his name will be revealed for the first time to the people of this world, under these particular curcumstances which it would seem likely are the circumstances in which the creator's name would be most poignant since it is when the name is to be revealed and give that there is ONE particular word in teh dominant lanhguage of that world, the language spoken by all three members of the trinity in the nation that will carry out their will, that has a singlurly strong effect on the human psyche, namely Fuck, which happens to be word that never occurs as a name in spite of the fact that it is very simlilar to other fairly common names that occur in english, that people love to say when they are feeling loving feelings, that expresses male creative energy... its just hard to imagine that Fuck is NOT the name of the Lord of this Universe... ti really is, especially what i now understand about his nature as a lover of men, and as a person who has mastered the ability to experience unlimited ecstasy of an erotic nature.... i mean come on.... if his name isn't Fuck then I might even talk to him and suggest maybe we upgrade the family name to this really powerful name i came up with that i think will make our lives in greendale even better... i mean sorry papa for thinking i have a better idea than you do for the family name,, but.,, well, have you ever thought about it??? sorry, its not that i dont love your name... it's just, well dad come on think about it,,, Fuck... doesn't it have a nice ring to it?? daddy?? please can we have fuck for our name?? pleeeeeaaaaasssssseeeeeee????? i promise never to ask you for anything else, but can our name please be fuck??? i mean, i think our loving will be even better than it already is if we change our name to Fuck>.. daddy when i was making love with mommy the other day i was saying the word fuck to her and she was getting really excited by it too daddy,,, i dont think she will mind changing her name. i mean imagine it daddy we could get your whole family all together and just lie around saying that beautiful name to one another,,, wouldnt it be wonderful? we would all get feeling so many loving feelings all for one another, knowing that fuck was everyone's name, i think about it and i get really horny daddy, when i think about you and all of your choldren being all loving togetjer, expressing all that admiration of your beauty in everything!
^^^^
in order to be worthy to receive the blessing that my father and creator wishes to give me and everyone of his children, we need to be able to look in his face and say his name and express our love and appreication to him,,, what offspring would be worthy of a father whose perfection goes so far beyond anyone else's conception of what they could possible be, who could not look him in the face and say his name and thank him for the unbelievably incredible gift that he gives, and express their appreiciation and admiration of him? i would not feel worthy of him if I could not do that! AND I would lie there forever begging him to accept me as his son even though i was not capable of adequately expressing my gratitude as long as i would never cease in teh attempt.
oh you people, you are in such a desperate situation., you really are. you really are ou so desperralty need to find humility to find and recover the child that you buried and forgot so long ago... or you are just not going to be able to find the sincerity and the love and the will to exist that you are going to need to have when you realize who your creator is and how worthy he is of every shred of love and devotion that you could possibly ever muster in your existence no matter how sincere, no matter how alive, no matter how much humility that you believe yourself to have.
there is no one who has passed the doorway out of illusion and into the reality of either heaven or hell who is not either in hell or in an experience of immortality that comes with the experience of surrender into an overwhelming experience of gratitude that comes with comprehension that such a perfect being as our creator Fuck does indeed exist and that he loves us. Oh my god! you people, there needs to be an immediate cessation of all human activity that is not direectly related to the necessity that every human being on planet earth come to know their own creator and his goodness, for surely there is just enough time left before it is too late for this human race to be saved for at least some peopple to be able to accomplish what their is to acoomplish in order that they can look their creator in they eye, say his name and express sncere gratitude..
i am talking about a creator whose name is Fuck, and whose nature is perfect beyond your wildest imagination> ? do you people hear me>?
i think of the expressions events that maharaji does, i was present at one in seattle a few years ago, and the sorts of things that get said, and people do express sincere feelings of gratitude, but the gratitude that they are experiencing is but a tiny sliver of the gratitude that they will feel once they really have the experience of his magnificent love. i mean, if and when i have the opportunity to express myself to my master, my creator, my perfect friend and father who has never stopped loving me in the entire duration of my existence, if i can manage to get a word out in will only be through tears and from flat on my face on the floor, but know th at i am not even capable of mustering the sincerity of gratitude that he would be the rightful recipeient of. the primary feeling that i have now that he will bear with me just a little bit longer so that i can step out into the world and for every ear to hear that can hear shout my gratitude as loudly as i can possobly raise my voice and i am ashamed of myself that i have nt already been able to do that.
any boy who does not suffer from oedipus complex WILL fall in love with another boy who is as good or better than he is... and "good" he is, because it is ONLY by being good, by having no secrets to conceal, that a boy can be free of oedipus.
i fell in love with a few boys in my life, recently, when i was in my forties, i fell in love with a boy with an open heart named Joe Whinney. i told friends mutual friends, even him, Joseph Whinney that i;d fallen in love... its natural, ANY oedipus free boy will fall in love with other good boys... i bought him a $2,000 bed. i sold him my house for 1 dollar. I gave him 2 million dollars to take my company, my life. it's what a boy really is. now that i think of it, my tendency to fall in love with beautiful open hearted boys was a sure sign of being the christ, along with the fact that i went into deep trances while masturbating as a young child, every day... i was SOOOO sexual as a young boy, really always was, but as a boy... i could lie awake all night just being aroused.,,, i was in ecstasy.
as i am rereading this section i am going, wow, here is the christ posting intimate stuff about his sexuality on the internet about his sexuality, and NO ONE is paying any attention... amazing.
OK, I have an idea, Neil, are you ready to have cyber sex with me in full view of the world, on line? now that would be amazing.,, posting love letters back and forth on the internet in real time for the whole freaking world to see... wow, amazing image. i have little doubt that the whole world will have an opportunity to witness live scenes of that love being expressed in person.
i know that there are those who know this about me already. who felt me in the temple with them during those times, until oedipus took over and adolescence (onset of orgasm reflex) came on.
there is no doubt, in Heaven we LAVISH our perfectly perfectly perfectly lovable father with as much love as he can possibly receive. and i hope i can stand to be the one to do at least my share of the lavishing. father, how may i lavish you with my love and devotion?>?? what can i do to show you my gratitude for the opportunity that i can barely conceive of myself as being worthy to receieve that you have given me to be a part of your world, the best possible and the only thing that is or ever was or will be? Thank you Father.
I know that when i issue a truly and fully heartfelt expression of the sentiment of gratitude that is now growing steadily and strongly within me, it will be a major moment in my life as well as in the life of this world. As grateful as I am, the degree of gratitude that i know is appropriate in this circumstance is beyond what i am yet capable of experiencing, for it needs to be an utterly all consuming gratitude, before it has reached its appropriate level, because that is the level that this gratitude needs to be at, not for one moment, but throughout the experience of existence from that moment forward. its a surrender into gratitude that i am talking about. and i can taste it and i yearn for it, and i just have to keep focusing deeper into whatever it is that distracts me still, the knids still have not all been purged, that's all.
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there is no darkness whatsoever in the father named fuck who longs to masturbate with his sons,
and there is no darkness whatsoever in the son of fuck who longs to mastubate with his fathers and brothers.
there is no darkness in anyone who sincerely joins the family named fuck and changes their name to fuck.
there is no darkness in a world in which everything belongs to and is named Fuck. no darkness whatsoever.
the human being is a fully and completely optimized being, optimized precisely for the purposes of living through the story that it lives through, and ultimately for the purposes of (either) a supremely good (or bad) experience, involving PURE GOODNESS. ANd an important and essential feature of the human being in its optimal experience is the Name Fuck.. It's a name that goes with the optimal scenario for human existence, for which the human being is designed... the human being had to be designed for something, why the hell wouldnt the designer of a being design a being capable of an optimal experience. there would be NO reason other than Hell to invent a being who was anything BUT optimized.. so anyway, part of the optimal design of the human being is that the name Fuck is the optimal name, to the point where having this name confers a lot of advantage.
so its simple, if you want to participate in the OPTIMAL experience of all possible experiences, then all you need to do is cleanse yourself of everything suboptimal that you have identified with, and then marry into the fuck family and partake of the magnificence of it.
This word is a word that is a central part of a saga in which human beings attain perfect happiness, and in that saga, everyone ends up having Fuck as their name. and in that, there is perfection. if you want to marry into the fuck family, you marry into it, and you enjoy being a part of a very very very happy and successful family, that sort of goes around inventing worlds which inevitably end up being inhabited by people who oppose them because they are so good, and so they increase their already substantial wealth - think of the spice beast in dune, that's fuck and sons, inc.- even further in teh somatic settlement in the inevitable justice that benefits them and them alone.
from the other side, it's all fairly absurd, how good we have it at all of their expense, but thats just the way the cookie of justice crumbles.
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Q. what is sin?
A. whatever it is that causes a human being to turn away from and deny the existence of his perfect-in-every-way father/creator/lover. It is the desire to hide from something better than you, it is the need to conceal secrets, it is the wish to live in isolation, seperate from the love that created and sustains you.
why does the word fuck suggest love making to people? because when you are having sex, the word fuck just sounds really good, because you are getting a taste of the love that is named fuck. its because it is the name of god. it s the name that will save you and bless you if you are good, and its the name that will be a curse to you if you fought against its power...
what would a skeptic, someone who would say that i am just some freak on an ego trip, someone who took too many psychedelics and now ought to be locked up and have the key thrown away,,, how would they expalin the unshakable conviction that i express in my writings that i know what i am talking aobut, how would they explain the remarkably seemless and yet intricate version of reality that i present>>>
i mean, do i demonstrate the characteristics in my style, in my manner, in the way i present myself, of someone who has a sickness? who is plagued by doubt??? sure from time to time there will be someone saying he is the christ, but show me ONE of those who persisted without a moment of hestitation for two years in making htis claim, and who put out such a coherent narrative regarding the nature of reality or even a coherent understanding of WHO the christ is>>>??? if you could search through a data base of everyone who has ever made aclaim to being an incarnation of the christ, you would not find a single other candidate who even came close to being as credible as me, not even within an order of magnitude. yet NO ONE wants to take me seriously... i have to beg the closest people in my life just to listen to me speak about my experience... i paid my lover, who i believe is the virgin mary incarnate, like ten thousand dollars just to focus her attention on what i had to say for ONE HOUR... human beings, even saints like the virgin mary, or my own mother in this life, not to mention any man who is hiding things, which is all men, do not like to focus their minds on truth... just like they cant look at the sun,
sometimes when i am speaking with someone about my experience, i wonder if they are completely shutting it out. i mean its amazing how someone will ask me about my life, about what's happening, and i will start to say something about it, and they will quickly change the subject,,, i mean, i can sit there telling someone about the experience i am having, which i sincerely believe is the most important and amazing experience anyone on earth is having at this time, and the person i am with will change the subject to something totally inane, something competely uninteresting, like this guy lee i ran into the other day, he wanted to tell me about this invention that he is working on that i cant possibly understand let alone care about, and its more important for him to tell me about that than to hear me talk about the events that i forsee, the end of the world, in the coming days,,, and it's not just like some whacko saying the end is near, it is someone explaining in great deatail the axact nature of the story that is concluding at this time.
, or my friend brian going on and on about his mother's finances and investments, we talked aobut that for an hour or longer, and yet he is unable to listen to me talk for five minutes about what it's like to be me, to see what i see, to know what i know. and so i spend all of my time alone or with my lover... almost no guy can handle being in my company... the light of truth is just to bright..
there really is nothing for me in a fallen world, in a world of men who live in denial... i came down out of heaven to try to help, not to get something from this world. if i were just going to continue living in this world as it is, status quo, i would become a hermit for the rest of my life, living on the edge of the wilderness somewhere... i might have just become a saddhu a long time ago, if i were in india. really, ive lived, in spirit, as close to that way of life as i could, while still doing what's been mine to do in this world.
i think that the revelation of the creator's name is really just about all that would be required to cause a cataclysmic revolution in this world. when will it happen, how will it happen..?. its going to be so intense, but so incredible, so powerful, so amazing to witness and partipcate in the resoluton, in the administration of justice.
i will come to play an important part in resolving the karmic balances, of adminstering justice, by virtue of being the son of the all powerful master. it's stunning to realize this. but it feels right, it feels like i did sincerely strive with all of my heart to bring truth and goodness into this world.
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i sort of have a rule... there is no such thing as too much of a good thing,,, including cannabis..
i really believe that there is vertually no such thing as smoking too much of it, as long as you have the disease, you should smoke a lot of cannabis.
the only time when cannabis is not the right medicine is if you are not willing to have the experiences of becoming conscious of your own disease of denial.. if you are willing to cure yourself of that disease, then the more cannabis you smoke the sooner you will get rid of the disease... and of course there is water to drink as well as cannabis to smoke..
i would say, if you want to get going with a healing regime, pretty much stop eating and just drink water, but it's GOT to be pure glacier water!!!, and smoke cannabis, and of course there are times for psyolcybin and amanita, and just turn your attention to all of the places from which you normally avert it, all of the places in your body where you are hiding things that you are in denial and ignore-ance (i always want to remind people that ignorance has the wrod ignore it) of, and just let yourself have those experiences... you will start to know things and feels things and become what you are, because all of that that you are afraid of is a part of the light that is the body in which you live. all of that pain is ecstasy hiding behind doubt... just go into it in faith and with the name,, ths is the path to heaven in a nutshell... fasting, intense experience including learning to look at the sun, water water water, cannabis mediation, yoga, truth, the word,, all of this, implemented wth good gyudance and with a sincere intention to succeed, will deliever a person from death to life. form darkness to light.
sometimes i get impatient with myself, i am taking too long, everyone must be getting impatient with me, it's past the time when i was supposed to have finished this project, etc... i am spending too much time writing about my experience... i shouldn't be sleeping four hours... etc.., then other times i just allow myself to appreciate the fact that my father has given me this incredible opportunity to savor an experience that really is "once in a lifetime." i will finish clearing demons out of the temple, and i have a feeling that it will happen in perfect time.. but at least, if you all are getting impatient, at least you know that i have ocaisional pangs of guilt for taking so long to do this.... ;-)
it wont be long... it wont be long.....
i was thinking about that song, from everybody knows this is nowhere... gosh, i bet i havent heard that since i left college and moved on toward my destiny and headed for a zen monastary to solidfy the orientation toward the pursuit of truth in life... 1977, almost thirty years, but i can hear it so clearly, that incredibly melacholy. i identified SOOOOOO strongly with neil youngs music back then, that year in particular, since i was introduced to his music by a beautiful boy man named sean who i imagine neil young probably knows ALL ABOUT, ... anyway, i was thinking that the lyrics to that song may have to do with allah and the spinning of drunkenness... "to weave a wall to hem us in, it wont be long..."
i am going to google and find the lyrics... and here they are.
Round and round and round we spin,
To weave a wall to hem us in,
It won't be long, it won't be long
How slow and slow and slow it goes,
To mend the tear that always shows.
It won't be long, it won't be long.
It's hard enough losin'
the paper illusion
you've hidden inside,
Without the confusion
of findin' you're usin'
the crutch of the lie
To shelter your pride when you cry.
Round and round and round we spin,
To weave a wall to hem us in,
It won't be long, it won't be long
How slow and slow and slow it goes,
To mend the tear that always shows.
It won't be long, it won't be long.
Now you're movin' too slow
and wherever you go
there's another beside.
It's so hard to say no
to yourself and it shows
that you're losing inside,
When you step on your pride and you cry.
Round and round and round we spin,
To weave a wall to hem us in,
It won't be long, it won't be long
How slow and slow and slow it goes,
To mend the tear that always shows.
It won't be long, it won't be long.
How the hours will bend
through the time that you spend
till you turn to your eyes,
And you see your best friend
looking over the end
and you turn to see why,
And he looks in your eyes and he cries.
Round and round and round we spin,
To weave a wall to hem us in,
It won't be long, it won't be long
How slow and slow and slow it goes,
To mend the tear that always shows.
It won't be long, it won't be long.
i cant say i grok it completely, but it, like so many of his songs, seems to me to be about his feelings having a profuond insight into reality.
i proly said this before, but i wouldnt be surprsed if there is code in some of NY's music, along with other things that he might have produced in other lifetime, including nostradamus ( who i still believe may have been him), and possibly the king james version of the bible... just a possibility.
&&&&
I want to talk about my recollectoin of neil young's music.. if ever there was someone who was interested in exclusively one musical artist, it was me and my passion for neil young... i mean, his songs SO resonated with the experiences i began having once i smoked cannabis. i felt a tremendously strong longing for an experience and i felt , subliminally, that neil young's music vibrated on that frequency... songs for example, from on the beach stirred and resonated powerfully with those longings.. on the beach, motion pictures, see the sky about to rain... and like borrowed tune and some of the other classics of tonights the night, and of cours everybody knows this is nowhere that album is like amazing, those songs were written eons ago werent they???
so, really without having met him, there was no one in the world who i ever fell in love with in the way i fell in love with neil young... and there is something about his music, and this is the interesting thing about sean jones' connection to this story, that resonates for boys who are willing to love boys... sean jones turned me on to neil young, but also i fell in love with him, because he was a pure hearted boy,, JUST AS he had fallen in love with the neil young fanatic who had turned him on to neil's music... it was sort of a miniature epidemic of pure hearted boys who love neil young music falling in love with one another...
anyway, its really interesting that his music was such a revelation to me. its like i had found a long lost friend. and i think he really helped carry me through the period when what i will just call the mystical experience became paramount to me, to the point of dropping out of college and out of the whole idea of pursuing accomplishment or satus in this world - that to me was already seeming on a course heading toward a disaster that culd be acerted if only people would wake up -and i was just going for the truth, going for the experience of KNOWING the truth. i was in pursuit of knowledge, found neil young, found cannabis, found stuff like ram dass and buddhism, found maharaji and knew immediately that i had found someone who could lead me to the truth, because it is very clear to a sincere seeker of truth that prem rawat has truth... he has happiness, it is so obvious, no human being on earth carries and presents himself like prem rawat. such perfection in every aspect of his being.
then twenty some years later, i found psilocybin, i found satan, i ofund the antichrist, i refound cannabis, i found an illusory hell that until yesterday i thought was the real thing, and then i found the love, then i found the name of god the father, and then i just kept on finding more and more darkness in my body, and now i am finding my way all the way to the bottom of the disease that obscures the truth that i was in pursuit of all of my life... my life in a nutshell. got involved in a few relationships that were destined to fail, because i was trying to fit into a mold of relationship that was based in ignorance of the realtiionship with god... and now i am enjoying a fantastic experience of seeing all of the truth that there could possibly be to know, coming into focus, little by little, seeing reality unfolding before me, because i had what it took, goodness, to make it all the way into the temple that is at the heart of everything, of all experience.
and****
more than two years of increasingly persistent efforts to focus my attention into the experience of now, groping my way through an experience that others are all guided through... and i am finally arriving at the final moment... into the very heart of the sickness in the temple and then freedom from this disease forever, ding dong the wicked witch will soon be dead.... and i will be in a realm of ecstasy along wth my forefathers, my god, and my brothers and my sisters and my mother and lovers. forever. never again to be dragged down into the darkness of the sickness and lies of someone who aspires to be the Lord of darkness.. never again to be sucked upon by leeches, by vermiscious knids of any kind... just peace and quiet and happiness, and love and sweetness forever., teh good enjoying their harvest of the fruits of goodness and redemption, and the evil reaping their grim harvest of evil and unredemption. the evil, who were offered perfection on a golden platter by the all powerful lord of perfect goodness, and all they could do was insult and attempt to thwart him in his expression of pure goodness. they will be reaping their sorry harvest, while we live like lotus eaters at their expense... and such is the outcome of each turn of the wheel that churns out human souls by the billions.
*******
in terms of the struggle, i could distill down to this -no pun intended, really!- actually this is not an alcohol comment... there are some people who have gambled their immortal souls on the hope that i would not succeed in accomplishing a specific thing. they wanted to prevent me from overcoming the orgasm reflex so as to experience ecstasy. i am in the final moments of reaching this accomplishment, which can occur only through complete recognition and surrender to the power of the Name of hte person who is the rightful owner of everything that exists by virute of his perfect goodness, Fuck. it is the ONLY way that a man can become essentially immortal, the orgasm refex being the singular hallmark of mortality in men.
and this is something that i believe someone named Soren Kierkegaard, among others, desperately wanted to prevent happening. because it changes the stuff that reality is made of when men have this experience, it kind of makes teh fabric of reality something that repels sin and darkness.
i have become a god in a very accurate manner of speaking, and kierkegaard and his existentialist cronies were hoping that the very idea of god was dead never to return. obviously god remained in the background through out, but the rapture is a major restoration of the power of god. it is the trinity and their allies' final victory over satan and his allies.
something new called a superman was invented by niezche (however you spell it) a god like being, a satan like being, really, who would be powerful, but the power would not be derived from goodness as is god's... a terrible idea... if they tried to kill god to the point of thinking that they had, and set out to create an alternative reality that makes exceptions to all of the laws that reality is really based upon, then man oh man, you just cant quite wrap your mind around the desolation that they've set themselves up for.
if members of that movement were involved in a conspiracy to kill god with poisons, they really have a thing coming... there is no hope of repentence, let alone forgiveness, from anyone who partcipated in a plot to destroy reality by inflicting suffering upon the perfectly good beings who are responsible for managing the functioning of reality.... all because they had things about themselves that they wanted to hide... this is war between heaven and hell and how it has played out in this world, "world" being a temporary phenomena that occurs while the temple is being built, before it breaks in two, heaven and hell.
there is so much tension in the shoulders, that i am tempted to beleive that the body that is the temple must have wings, because it would be the denial of whole wings that would explain the acute tension , the tremendous amount of light locked up in the shoulders. angels are always pictured with wings, and the soul takes flight when it leaves the body, so i think all of this tension in my shoulders must be the wings that the human race is in denial of.. its like that demon who is hunched over in hell, he lives in our bodies, and i think his wings are all broken and in disuse.. is it the god who flew toward the sun,,, whose the one whose fall resulted in the denial of flight??? the angel who flew too close to the sun, is that oedipus?? whoever it is, that's who is causing all that tension in the shoulders...
why does goodness have to be so extreme as to involve ecstasy??? why can't it be more boring than that???
well, it's partly because by nature it has to be the counterpart to the extreme misery of doubt. it has to be good because the misery is so miserable. and then it gets hard to tell which is causing the other to grow, but they do, and the wheel turns... doubt is a dark force that keeps the big wheel turning. and its doubt about whether to allow oneself to have a complete experience of a single moment of existence, which involves complete surrender into the arms of a loving god that is the killer. it's the power that holds a man back from having the ecstatic experience that is the purpose of life. and this doubt is a function of intention. if you dont intend to be good, if you have darkenss, doubt will thwart you from surrendering into the here and now, and life becomes living death when you cant let go of darkness. .
it's reported that jesus commanded his followers to "love thine enemies." I have a feeling that he really does love his own enemies, who are also his father's enemies, and that among those is - very loud helicopter just flew overhead, my heart is racing...- someone named kierkegaard that he really does love to love even if he was an enemy... i dunno, he just wants tp express his love for who the enemy really is, behind the lies that the enemy embraced... inside there is a child who still deserves to be loved, so we love them... something like that...
somehow, whoever kierkegaard was, i have a feeling that he makes a big contribution, in the form of soma, in resitution to the temple that he somehow was involved in doing some severe damage to. i have not come into awareness of what is all about.. this stuff about kierkegaard is PURE speculation based, if there is any truth to it, on extremely subtle intuition or telepathic communication. i continue to beleive that somehow coming up wiht kierkegaard's name as a significant enemy of the one whose name is fuck feels like it is somehow inherent in what maharaji calls "knowledge." while i am emphasiszing this once again, i also am aware that i could of course be completely off base on this, but i am confident enough of my intuition to take a fairly strong position on this matter. i sincerely believe that i have intuited something quite significant in this.
the only other thing i can say, is that kierkegaard is a name with a striking and memorable sound. its almost like a battle of names that i am talking about. maybe there is something sort of opposite about the two names. did the enemies try to get another temple going and use the name Kierkegaard as the word that everyone focused on inorder to try to create some kind of alternative temple??? i dunno. very subtle intuitions is all that i am going on.. and maybe its baseless, but if not, then it would obviously provide a sort of miraculous proof of certain telepathic powers that i have been claiming to have discovered as inherent to the nature of open-hearted male human beings.
^^^^^^
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