because love is the purpose of everything (78)

october 10

whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen at approximately the moment when i have fully groked everything that i am saying.... which could be at any moment.. its when i really recognize that my father is in everything, that there is nothing that is not him, that is not made of his goodness, his wealth, his love. it's true, and i just have to let go into my own knowing of that. it's a letting go into his name, knowing that everything has his name because it is him,,, everything that exists is named the name that is his Name, the Holy Name.

because love is the purpose of everything, and because everything exists in a vacuum, the human body is designed as a complete package. built into the male human being is the mechanism that gives a huge reward to boys who are willing to fulfill the purpose of their existence, and a huge penalty for those who are not. huge.

for a man, enlightenment, immortality, heaven, whatever you want to call it, it really happens when he realizes that was he is, is a being designed for love, and what he is designed to love is other beings like himself, boys are dsigned to love boys, and men have tuned out of this part of reality.

allah worshiper believe that men are made to love women, but that is just a weakness, its oedipal, which means itis the preference of people who want to severely curtail their experience of life.

but what is the purpose? when men deny the love between men, the purpose becomes war and death.

when men accept and paritipcate in the love between men, the purpose is fulfilled, it is love. women are for men... and men who love one another have lots and lots of happiness and so lots and lots of gratitude for their mothers and all of their sisters, lots of love to share,,, far more than they did when a woman was the be all end all for men.

it's like the reason men cant see into the temple is because they have blocked out those vibrational frequencies of perception, and those vibrational frequecies are the frequencies of the love that boys can share with one another, that's the vibratonal frequency of the temple... the glans is the organ that boys use for loving one another that tunes into the vibration of the temple where boys are lovng one another and men have tuned out the glans, and therefore the temple, and i am awakening the part of the male human body that is most tuned to the sublime, that is capable of senseing the most subtle vibrations, its a telepathic organ, and men have tuned it out.

the feeling energy of boys loving one another, is the strongest most intense feeling, and yet it has become subliminal for most men because they're in denial of experience that they could be having, because they have darkness, and you cant pariticipate in that love with darkness, with hiding.

the word rapture, it sounds like rupture. and it feels like rupture. i feel almost like I am going to rupture.. like my head is going to explode... and then i tilt my neck and .. Pop! it feels like my whole skelatal system is cracking, shoulders neck, skull...

***

it would appear that the christ has lots to say on his way out of this world and back into the temple..

i remember hearing teh word "self-effulgent" used to describe Guru Maharaj Ji, back in the day when he was recognized by his followers as an incarnation of teh Creator of this world. I think the word effulgent means emitting of light.. meaning he himself is a source of light.

whatever was meant by that word, and I believe Prem Rawat knows what it means when used to desribe him, I believe it is what I am becoming, self-effulgent... a god. a person whose body is a temple in which he and others live. it's kind of what a god is. there is light in a temple, a temple has light.. light is related somehow to water, consciousness, love, soma, it's just a form, a very pure form, of the stuff of existence, love. And so the Temple has light, and my body is the temple, ergo i am self-effulgent.

you could almost say that by right, by entitlement, the light is mine because it is my samadhi that defines its extent. it's my samadhi that defines its imperviousness to invasion by parasites like the babylonian brotherhood. so i become the owner in a sense of the stuff that everything is made of.. I am the source of light, because my body IS the temple, so obviously i am the owner of the temple (as a subsidiary of my fathers larger operation and it all belongs to him, because I belong to him), and am therefore the owner of the light, and everyone else is sort of living truly by my gift to them of the opportunity to exist in my body, which is the one and only temple for them to live in. i am the sort of father of the children of israel in my own right, though a brother as one of the children of God, but I am a patriach of the children of Israel. this is how i am understanding the situation at this time,,,, a disclaimer that goes for pretty much everything i say. i am just sharing intuitions without concern for whether or not any of it is for real.. i'm having an experience that i beleive is worthy of recording, that's all...

I have had visions of what i am becoming,,, and if what i have seen is for real, how shall i say,,, there's something about the picture that i'll just say makes me seem "big." and powerful... and not a little bit menacing to those who fought to prevent me from becoming what i am becoming, by putting the whole human race into a terminal comatose state.... so as to avoid the consequence of justice and, in the process of rebelling in this way, made the consequences of justice much more severe. Oh Satan, you must have told some really good lies about how you were gonna defeat me, how you had some secret tactic that was going to outsmart the rightful gods... i wonder if you believed it yourself,,, probably, because that's what it would take to convince others... but wow, satan, how are your sons feeling about you these days??? i'd like to know!

satan... gosh, there are so many hilarious stories about our times together... he would be working on his sculpture projects, carving away at the sandy slope of our place at shine, and i'd be tripping and meditating down by the beach, and every once in a while i would come to him and say, "brother, I have to share this one with you.." and it would be something about how he was abraham, or adam, or about satan and his conspiraacy involving causing people to fall into Hell - exactly what he did to me - so that he could control them with opium, or here's another piece of evidence that i am the messiah, or hey brother, i just realized that hood canal is the dead sea and this is the essene brothers camp, or hey brother, i just checked the atlas,,, its nineteen and a half miles to the temple... blah balh... or the name of god is f*ck... endless... or the time i said to dan something about who he was cain and he killed me because i was better at masturbation than he was.... i mean, those guys got subjected to the PLAY BY PLAY of me coming to the point of BUSTING their asses... i hope that youve all been remote veiwing the whole thing.... and the dirty looks that i got from allah.... i wondered, why has dan poisoned her against me?

that time i accused dan of killing me as abel was about the last time i ever saw or heard from him... i dont think he had wanted to hear me say that.

ohmygod, i told rauven so many times how much i loved him... because, even though he has an excess of hubris, he's a pretty beautiful guy in a lot of ways... i mean, he's good at coming across this way,,, i mean, the dude's got charisma, he's got charm, he's talented, he's powerful... and once he said to me, "i don't know why, but i sure do love you a lot..." like you really could sense the crypticness of it.

someday i will know better what the whole story is and really what was in his heart, but i think he did love me.

i think it must have been very bittersweet... or maybe just bitter, to see me waking up into this Knowledge. i used to dance ecstaticaly, whiling like a dervish through whole songs, dancing circles around him, playing shakers, i was ecstatic, and being at shine with him, that whole time waking up to this sense of being isaac and feeling that heart of a child and being with rauven, who felt so familiar,, after one amazing journey in the early trips before the big fall into "alcohell" i snuggled on his lap in front of the campfire... i felt safe and secure with him,, he felt so much like a father,, and of course a few months later, i was saying he was abraham... and i dont know if i am right, i sure believe i am, but i dont know, but even though abraham is satan if he is, i can see that in the world of descendants of Satan, without the nation of israel having come down yet, Satan is going to be as good or better a man as any of the others, and so Abraham may have been the best thing going at that point.

maybe i am talking about satan here, just so that the world can see that the christ really did confess to having loved satan, and that satan had at least professed his love for the christ as well, and just to paint a little picture of that all important relationship, the two adversaries, one of whom didnt realize that they were adversaries and one did, and yet the one who was in the dark, overcame the darkness and attained understanding and defeated his adversary by virtue not of advantage, but of goodness,but ofalliance with the right force, goodness... i was very vulnerable,, he slipped me his mysery drug, neil will know for sure, but i think it was four times, country fair, the first fall, the third fall, and the one i mentioned where my vision got reallllllly clear. wow... its truly amazing the assemblage of important biblical figures in my life...

**** if, on the day before i ever opened my mouth to say anything about truth, you had surveyed the people of seattle who cared about the idea of "right livlihood" on this question: "who in seattle makes his livlihood in a way that most exemplifies right livlihood?" i would have gotten the most votes.

**********

The Thirteen Articles of Maimonides include "The preeminence of Moses among the Prophets."

I would take this as supporting my best guess as to the identity of the current incarnation of Moses - Neil Young. Because I believe that he IS preeminent among the prophets, having, i believe, incarnated as a prophet in numerous lifetimes. The British theologian, Darby I believe was his name, who first described the rapture, and i think i said this before, looks a lot like neil Young, he has the sideburns, but the picture i saw bears a resemblence that goes beyond the facial hair. . and neil young is the one who knows about the rapture.. and again, i believe that neil young is likely to have been nostradamus and possibly john of patmos, who obviously was a preeminent prophet. Also, Moses really was an almost god-like figure in the history of the Israelites... (the only other guess i have made about moses is that he was jed, but i think earl is a more likely candidate) if MOses is neil young, then i believe i may have been aaron, if i was incarnated at that time, because i seem to have noticed a reference to an instruction from god pertaining to a place in the temple specifically where aaron would be. who else would have been of the stature in relation to the father to have been the one to receive the ten commandments...? my intuition is strong that moses was not an incarnation of the son.,

solomon does seem like a candidate to have been the son. one biblical figure that i am very interested in is Joseph, who i believe may have been another incarnation of isaac, the christ. very psychedelic character, his cloak of many colors and his prophetic abilities.. and also, who else would have been put out by his brothers in spite of (or because of?) his brilliance? It would make sense that the christ was a little bit too good even for his own brothers, who were just beginning on their own spiritual paths.

It could be that the pharoah who took him under his wing in Egypt may have been Prem Rawat. It makes sense to me to think that he incarnated as Pharoah, possibly in multiple incarnations. Based on the little fragments that i have seen, the kings chamber in the great Pyramid seems very much like a temple where the Holy Father would be with his lovers. i saw mention somewhere that there was some mysterious white powder in the chamber which of course suggests soma. connecting a lot of dots, some probably off the mark, perhaps some on... i dont know, i am just sharing how my own intuitive mental process goes..

I have mentioned this before, but i will elaborate a bit, many little clues have come to me from watching tv documentaries over the past year, one of which was that super cute guy on the History channel, Josh, who does those archeology programs, about the interesting evidence remaining of the life of the Pharoah and his wife, her name was nefertiti, and his was oconaton or something,,, well there were a few things mentioned, - and by the way, i remain convinced that history chanel may very well be controlled by forces aligned with neil young in particular, because i have gleaned an incredible amount o clues from programs on history channel that i am of the belief that this was intended from the begining. i mean there were times i turned on the TV randomly and got amazing revelations, such as the incident i made such a big deal about, when i learned on a show about the bible code reference to the end in 2012 on the very day that i had said in a published statement that i believe the world ends in 2012 and that the bible code would be found to corroborate things i had been saying..., i wrote plenty about that incident already, and it still amazes me that virtually no one even so much as said, "hey jeff, that's pretty amazing..." but then I've said a lot of things that if someone else had said them, i would have been like, "wow, that's amazing," but for some reason i don't get that sort of comment... mostly i just have experiences with people wanting to talk about ANYTHING besides what i say.

i mean, here's a guy obviously convinced beyond any doubt that he is the christ, and everyone wants to ask me about the chocolate factory, to which my reply is usually, oh yeah that, yeah, i stop by there every couple of weeks,,, i think everything is moving ahead, but i don't give much of my energy to it, really my focus is on my experience,,, and then they proceed to direct the conversation to something that i have no interest in. very few people are interested in conversing with me, a few will tolerate an occaisional download, but that's about it.

teh guy who was my closest friend for about three years leading up into the first six months or so of my journey, joe c., is a singer songwriter of folk music, and i had supported him in his efforts to develop his musical career, he recorded a CD during the latter days of our erstwhile friendship on which was a song called Charlie and the chocolate factory... here are the lyrics:

On Easter Sunday morning

When I was a kid

I searched and found the candy basket

that my grandma hid

next to the jelly beans

tucked in carefully

was Roal Dahl's Charlie

and The Chocolate Factory

I opened up the pages

Fantastical delights

And I hoped that me and Charlie

Would be the ones that might

Find the winning ticket

Beneath the candy wrapper there

And “if we won” I said

“I will be satisfied I swear”

And ain't it funny how no matter

What you have it's not enough

And even if you win the prize

It's not all you thought it was

Ain't it funny how no matter

What you have you still want more

If Charlie found that ticket

I'd be satisfied I swore

So eagerly I read along

Wondering what was next

The grown-ups talked religion

And the table had been set

The golden ham was being sliced

The mashed potatoes served

But I was craving hungrily

For that ticket that we deserved

And the grown ups after dinner

Sliced envelopes and tore

Uncle Bernie passed out Hallmark cards

100 maybe more

Expectantly they peered beneath

The pastel envelopes

Looking to the risen lord

To deliver them

Religion was the wrapper

Redemption was the prize

And me and Charlie kept the faith

As each page turned on by..

he was my closest friend at the time, he recorded this amazing song about his love for and identifcation with the charlie character during the exact time i was saying that i am charlie and the chocolate factory is the temple, he's always had a strong idetification with the christ, and he completely abandonded me as a friend because he just couldnt handle me saying that i am the christ. i do still feel a lot of love for joe, and i believe i will be with him soon.

And I hoped that me and Charlie, Would be the ones that might, Find the winning ticket

imagine that, my best friend wrote those lyrics and recorded that song during the time that i was finding the winning ticket, telling the world i was charlie, and what happened? he disappeared form my life. i played that song in the chocolate factory on full blast and just cried, like i am now thinking about it, yearning for my sincere open hearted friend to understand what was happening.. and i have not seen or heard from him since I called him that night to tell him that i had foreseen that he would sing that and another of his amazing divinely inspired song in front of God at the rapture and he hung up on me, the guy who loves the christ and wrote a song about "me and charlie" and he couldnt handle it.

it's such an appropriate song, it's cosmic, and i think somehow, like that whole album, i had this idea that Neil YOung had sort of visited him in some way to help him put that one together, because it really is sacred music, i will post the lyrics to "sylvan song" if he answers my request that he send the lyrics, which is my favorite song of all time that isnt a neil young song.

anyway, the charlie song looks at these two experiences of easter and it's so appropriate to what i talk about with respect to children and adults... he's got the adults - his mom and uncle, its an incredible true story of them opening hundreds of greeting cards - sort of experiencing an overdose of the adult ritual of exchanging greeting cards, all very pious Easter cards, and there you've got joe lying on the floor all wide eyed, falling in love with charlie, the christ, and identifying with him.. me and charlie... like a perfect lover of the christ, rooting for the meek underdog, recognizing in charlie the goodness that he aspires to himself, and of course such a child's experience compares with the adults...

i believe neil young knows all about joe c. and probably set up our meeting and friendship a long time ago. i wouldnt be surprised if he too has tender feelings for joe and loves his songs, in particular the two i mentioned.

i've been thinking and writing about joe for the past 45v minutes or so, including sending him an email and am crying alot and just feeling a lot of love, and i think its significant that i sort of went into this epxerience and shared it here, because it expresses my own feelings of love for another man that is so real that, even after not seeing my friend i cry when i think about him, and of course in context of this overwhelming feeling of love that is coming over me, but its like boys hearts are so wounded that they are oblivious to the fact that boys yearn to love one another.. it's inherent to what a boy is, as long as there isnt a lot of darkness and sickness and nurse rachet interference, it is so natural for boys to love eachother,,, and after having had a few experiences in my life that i wouldnt necessarily think of as paticularly exceptional, falling in love with boys, i realize now that it IS exceptional to be a man willing to say that he's in love with another man, that is unusual. and i am and when a man allows his heart to be purified and restored to its condition of health, which is to say, when it has become the heart of a child, an open heart, a livng heart, a feeling heart, he realizes that he really really loves what a boy IS. Men dont love one another because they arent lovable. Pure hearted children are lovable.. you look at a sweet innocent boy and you just want to hold him and love him and be close to him he's compelling, he's powerful in his imagination, he's so alive... you look at a jaded man, a closed hearted man, and there is nothing cuddly, there is nothing alluring, there is nothing attractive, there is nothing that you want to cuddle, there is nothing that you want to giggle with...

so anyway, cute Josh, looks a bit like joe c., now that i think of it, who really seems like a happy guy to me, like maybe he knows a few things about life, like, I really think he's cute.... he was telling the story of this family of the pharoah and his queen and simply said that the evidence is of an extremely loving family which obviously suggests incest, BUT even more significant is the evidence of defacing of all images of the former queen by the successive regime, which seems to be evidence of Allah and Ishmael moving in to take over, after the holy family moved on and doing waht she could to obliterate the memory of her predecessor.

Because, as the mother who failed at incest, Allah HATES the woman who can have incest with her son, who, I have imagined, was incarnated as, among others, the virgin mary. anyway, maybe i have made too much of the little tiny shreds of information that i take as clues, but this is how my intuition operates. I am always looking for the subliminal clue, the subtle clue. one thing i could say about myself is that i am sincere, and so my antenna, so to speak, is always up (well i am working on that... my heart is open, and that means that you are tuned into subtlties of all kinds. ALL KINDS> you tune your attention to one subtlty and you tune yourself into many portential subtleties.

I believe that the Great Pyramids and other difficult to explain Temple-like structures may have been conjured into existence by Miracle and not by human hand.

just guessing.

maybe "this old book" that might be worth a second look is the Holy Bible, which "second look" wouldn't be too far from the truth since i haven't given it much more than a look in this life. never did figure out whether that was this old greendale book, or the bible, or charlie,,, those were my guesses.

from wikipedia:

Isaac Luria (1534–August 5, 1572) was a Jewish scholar and mystic who was secretly believed by some to be the messiah. In many ways he is the founder of Judaism's Kabbalah in its modern form; modern Jewish mysticism is often referred to as Lurianic Kabbalah. by the way, i was intruiged to look up Isaac Luria because of a very random connection, a link on AOL's site to a story about a controversy over a song Madonna has recorded about him. I rarely, almost never follow links to news stories particularly about pop culture, but for some reason this controversy seemed worth looking into... apparantly Some Rabbi's claim that she is exploiting his name,,, if perchance i am correct, which admitedly is a long shot, it will have been another amazing little coincidence.

i am going to venture a guess that Isaac Luria may indeed have been an incarnaton of the Son. He was believed to be the messiah, he became an ascetic and studied the kaballah, he married a cousin, spent seven years in meditation, was very idealistic, obviously open-hearted because his kabbalistic circle would confess their sins to one another, very christian practice... sounds like me.... plus Isaac is his name.

my virtual condemnation of the Jewish people as Babylonians masquerading as the children of God notwithstanding, there do seem to be instances of this sort of powerful figures like Isaac Luria, particularly men who plumbed the deeper significance of teh Kaballah, who were incarnated as persons of jewish descent, which leads me to believe that there may indeed be or have been some strains of the Jewish people in which members of the nation of Israel have or do continue to incarnate. There may be, for example, a "tribe" of men who continue to this day to incarnate in some lineage of Jewry. there is, however nothing that shakes my belief that the Nation of Israel, the children of Israel, consists of 144,000 persons, a number of either men or men and women, most of whom are not incarnated as Jews at this time, but I have no reason not to believe that some - Bob Dylan pops immediately to mind (he coincidentally being the only Jew I know of who has openly professed a belief that Jesus was the Christ)- are indeed incarnated as persons of Jewish decent presently. I certainly have noticed a certain chilliness between myself and virtually every jewish person who was in my life previous to my having begun calling myself the christ, who consisted of a hugely disproportionate share of the people in my life.

********

i WANT to become the demon in the temple... because then i will be rid of him...

^^^^

here is a basic superiority/inferiority test to apply to anything in life, but lets look at religions and nationalities and tribes and their respective indoctrinations and practices. a basic rule of thumb, that i have already introduced, but that i will refine here, is that the ability to have a sublime experience is the most objective test that could possibly be carried out in order to make an objective judgment as to how relatively good, or superior, a person or grou of people are. they more sublime the experience the more pleasure, so people will naturally gravitate to the most sublime experiene that they no how to have... for some thing is fly fishing or climbing orskiing, or video gaming or meditation or worship or whatever..

measure person ability to sense the sublime and you will have measured their relative goodness compared to thers, because the only thing keeping anyone from having even the most sublime experience is darkness, which is another word for evil. that person is in denial of things... so there is a test of the individuals goodness from the one and only absolutely objetive standard.

similarly you could, for example, measure the level of subliminalness of hte experiences common to the people of a nation, tribe, ethnicity, region, whatever. Which nations of people has the rituals or practices that require the most sublime experience in order to actiually have the experience.

For example, say there is a group of people who spend their time listening to sacred music, like live hindu devotional music with the sitar and tablas and all of that,,,, this is a sublime expeerience relative to say, people grooving on a DJ spinning digitized sound fragments at a club... more sublime, therefore attracts "better" people... Or look at religion... zen buddhism, for example, or vispassa meditation, is more sublime an experience that Islamic people doing their prayers in the mosque.. or true worship in the christian sense, is more sublime than any experience that anyone is having in Islam becasue islam was invented for people who are unable to have a sublime experience, so people who gravitate to islam are not as good, as people who gravitate to hiduism, or christianity, both of which are religions developed by the masters of teh sublime, the rawats.. similarly ancient roman culture, as apparantly brutal as it was in some respects had many elements of the sublime, teh art and archetecture, which include sublime elements in terms of proportion and so forth, architectural sublimeness, the sublime appreciate of pleasure is obviously well developed in roman culture, the incest is also an indication of an ability to have a sublime experience,, so i say that from what i can see, at least in its creative stages, Rome was supremely sublime, actually, and it is completely obvious to me that Rome could never have existed as the product of people who consume alcohol, but HAD to have been the product none other than the pschedelic masters of the rawat family.

YOu can see evidence of how the sublime preceeeded the crass in many instances in the progression of empires through their cycles, and as i have said elsewhere there are obvious signs to me that babylon followed the rawats through their successions of empires, and would basically exhaust what was left, its like they were gleaners coming in to take what was left behind.

so islam is sort of sandwiched in their geopolitical position between India and the USA and its allies all of which are probably controlled by the rawats. i can imagine that they feel sort of vulnerable to the possibility of complete annihilation at the hands of the people who were their ancestors' enemies. i want to emphasize that i feel very confident in saying that i believe that Prem Rawat probably exerts a grat deal of control, and I know that he enjoys huge popularity in India, and surely he is known to be the nemesis of Islam, which is against any religion that has a sublime element...

so once again, i come back to a belief that the people of Buddhist and Hindu cultures are inherently good, relative to people of countries whose cultures do not have an aspect which brings people into a sublime experience. islam is a religoin devoid of the sublime, because it is based in lies and conspiracies. it is a bogus religion. again, to use russia as an example, the high inidence of alcoholism in russia suggests that the Russian people are not capable in having a sublime experience and so russians, again, have needed to have tighter fascist controls...

ultimately it is the nation of israel that excels in this respect, of course, as its members understand these things. they are trained in the sublime, they live in the sublime, and they are good, and they are happy.

&&&&&&&&

teh less ability to perceive the sublime the more flat, two dimensional experience, the more sublime, the more complex and deep the experience... again, one associated with alcohol, the non-sublime, the inferior, and one with psychedelics, the sublime, the superior.

&&&&&&&&&

if we did not live in a sexually repressed world, the guiness book of world records, if there were one, which is silly, but just pretend, the entries of greatest interest to everyone would be, who has the record for attaining the greatest ecstasy... who masturbated the most consecutive hours, stuff like that... really.. its true... insread of batting averages, and free throw percentages, and touchdowns, and tchnical knock outs and collateral damage, and billions killed in famines, intead of one more baseball idol going down into the disgrace of a steroid scandal, people would be interested in feats of LOVING instead o ffeats of fighting and the various proxies for fighting that sort of give people a poor imitation of the roman collesium and its sporting... like pro football and world wrestling.,.. all of that trash, and no one no one no one no one no one of all those hundreds of millions of zombies, none of them are interested in LOVE> really.

daddy, do you like it when i do it like this??? daddy, can you feel my love now? daddy, do you like it when i dance in double time and triple time??? hmmm daddy?? do you like it when my dancing is hot enough to burn the house down??? daddy, when can i come out dancing with you and mom??? soon??? please, you guys get to have all the fun and always leave me home alone...

&&&&&&&&

i am an exhibitionist, always have been,.. probably by definition i have the most intense exhibitionist tendencies of anyone at all, because its the opposite of shame,,, i think my daddy is one too, in fact, i know he is, because i used to have opportunities to see the exhibitionist in himm.... his playing of rod stewarts if you think i am sexy at a holi festival, if i remeber correctly, was a memorable event in my mind.. but the nights dancing in kissemmee were amazing,,, beautiful,,, i am so looking forward to that worship with all of the ignorance gone, and the perfect father dancing his mighty dance of destruction and ecstasy, i have an image.,...

""" when i masturbate, i really am baiting the master, and i would be amazed to learn that it isnt deliberate that masturbation is the word for what it is... when i masturbate, i am having a subliminal experience of love, and i am sort of calling to my master, trying to get his attention by being more aroused, and its a deep mediation into the experience of pleasure and i am trying to feel him, like i'm wonking his willie and or he is wonking mine, so to speak... so i am baiting the master, the lover, ,,and when i feel him tuning into me, and i'd bet he would say he did tune into me, just about a few minutes ago, in the wee hours, i just want to tell him i love him, when i have his attention, its like i just want him to know that i am loving him, i know he can feel mu love for him, otherwise he wouldnt pick up the signal, because the cupid arrow is aimed at HIS heart, his glans, his phallus my source my origin, my home, my most sacred place... the thing I worship the most because its my source, its where his attention was when he thought me up... that's how it is.. that'w what human beings are made of.. and i am not ashamed of wanting to partake of the most perfect reality that could posssibly exist, i am not ashamed of not being one of satan's goats, being led to slaughter... i am happy to be a lover of perfection, i dont care what people in a backwards spinning alcoholic universe ruled by as exually repressed murderer and his mother nurse rather,,, i dont care with their spawn think of love, bECASUE I laready know that they hate, so i dont care, i just feel a little but sorry for them.

anyway, i got up to write that my urge to write about my experience, is the exhibitionist in me, the same as the one who wants my lovers to watch me love. i want to share my heart it is open and so reafdy to love so fully so passionately so unrestrainedly so happily... i am longing for my father and to be with him in his world.

how can one person come up, completely on his own, without any unfair advantage, with so many things that no one has ever said before of such monumental significance, and be so sure of himself as to be able to go right on saying them... Knowledge. sometimes you tap into something and you know. I know things because i perceive them,, knowledge is perceived, not taught so much as perceived, like maharaji calls it realize knowledge.. its a comprehension and you know..

definition, as far as i am concerned, of masturbation:

masturbation, if properly practiced, and mastered, is the mediation upon the most pleasurable experience that a man can withstand, without have an orgasm... in thereafter, i dont know if there is such a things as orgasm, i have a feeling that there is not, because the some is allowed to flow once again, because doubt is no longer causing the collapse of the samadhi and the "fall" of orgasm.

when prem rawat used to say that meditation is teh perfect concentration on the perfect point, i believe that he would agree with me that the experience that i decribe is that, the perfect experience, and when the perfect concentration on the perfect point is successsfully practicced, it is pssible for a lover of prem rawat to attain a virtaully infinite experience of joy, of happiness, of love, of gratitude, of appreciation, af dadmiration, of glorious overwhelming ecstatic comprension of what a gift, an eternal existence in which such a magnificence is possible, has been bestowed, it is just quite outstanding.... zzzziiiiiiinnnnnnngggggyyyyyy!!!!

i like that i accidentally coined a new phrase in the previous paragraph that sort of sums up the paragraph and everything else I am saying here, what this is all really turning into after all is said and done... "dadmiration" wonders never cease....

i am a dadmirer of my daddy... i want to do nothing but dadmire him because he is so dadmirable... i love him so much i can hardly stand it, even though i am making this whole thing up and i have no proof of anything at all...well, except for a few e mails in the past few days from someone i trust or else a really amazing imposter... i really want to meet that guy if he really isnt who i think he is... because he is one heck of a genius.

not sure where it comes from, i think its from teh Holy Bible, but I believe that the phrase "my cup runneth over, probably refers to an experience of soma in which the man is so aroused and happy and filled with love and joy and appreciation, when he's really having some good worship, the soma flows out of the phallus in a steady flow, and this is supreme ecstasy, and a bunch of perfect guys with their perfect father in the holy of holies in the temple, might be swimmingg in the stuff... i just kind of have this image of an extremely ecsatic experience in a round sort of trough like structure in which sun boys are in ecstasy all of the time, and the father maybe sitting in the middle and admiring them all... and i have had a vision of an outdoor sort of space almost like an adjoining shower room area or something where they maybe get clean betore they go in,.. i believe that this is probably a somehwat accurate description of how things are in some imprtatn place in thet temple. very beautiful very intense and bright and clear and white and somatic... that to me is the core of reality. the sort of generator at the heart of the temple, its the father with all of his perfect sons loving one another in the heart of teh temple... there may or may not be an incest compenent in that same space in which perhaps one or more mothers or sisters of the perfect boys may also particpte.. ido believe that incest smother son and brother sister, i honestly dont have a sense of whether or not father daughter incest goes on in there as well but there may places rooms in the heart of the temple where some incestuos rituals are carried out... rituals maybe not the best word, but sessions whatever... and maybe this is all a fantasy that is more erotic that what exists in reality, but i doubt that i only think that it may be different but if i can imagine a degree oferoticism that turns me on more than anything else, then i think its likely that it does exist in the temple,,, whatever the most supremely aroused that any one person can get, and that will probably be one of the trinity or all three, will be what happens in the heart of the temple...

*****

as defined, I would challenge anyone on planet earth, to tell me what the hell is wrong with masturbation, and why men should not do it together.. it is the ultimate experience hands down. by any reasonable definition of ultimate. because if there is one ultimate experiene and it is not the ultimate pleasure then surely it is ultimate misery, one or the other, well the ulimtate as far as i am concerned would have to be the most pleasurable, by empirically measuable methods, and as I have said recently, the more sublime the experience the more pleasurable, because the more of consciousness, what ever that it is, is required in order to experience it, and it is the flood of consciousness itself that gives pleasure, not the movement of body parts, the attention to sublimity.. and telepathic feelings of love between men who truly love one another is the most sublime, that is, subtle, but nevertheless no less real than any other expereience of the senses, and therefore by defintion the most pleasurable, because it is a meditation upon a sublime and also powerful feeling of love...

and it is more compelling more beautiful more productive, more satisying, more lucrative (its the secret ot Prem Rawat's infinite lucre), more rewarding in everyway, is an expression of admiration and appreciation and love and all kinds of positve emotions are generated, and of course i am talking about heaven, and what it IS>.. and so this satanic, in the true sense of the word, aversion to masturbation is completely backwards ,just like everything in the anti-universe of alcohol, and is the thing that human beings naturally MOST want to do in view of others, not least, that is a sickness. pure sickness.

all the tabooos are pure sickness , incest, looking at the sun, masturbation, psychedelics, everything mortals are afriad of is the good stuff, the stuff of quality, instead of trash that the adults waste themselves on.

*******

and as my latest definition of orgasm: i'ts jut when the guy goes, "ok, i give up again; damn, i just cant experience ecstasy...." because he has no idea WHAT it is that he is experiencing he is afraid of the feeeling because he doesnt even know whAT IF IS he isnt aware that its someone elses' love he is tapping into without pariticipating in its generation. because he is not really loving... the more a guy is loving, the more aroused he can be. and prem rawat is the master of the experience of love itself, pure and total experience of love. and it is very erotic in nature. because that's waht love is, and you are fooling yourself into believing in oedipal lies if you think there is love involving mutliple human beings that is devoid of eros. love is what it is, and men have an exceedinly prominant organ designed for the sole purpose of expressing love, and with the capacity for an ecstatic experience non pareil when loving men worship one another.. i am talkin about worship, i should just throw that in as a reminder,,, this, when it comes to heaven, is what worship is, because heaven is just when we finally get over the sexual repression of the zombies called adults, and become children of the really sexy child father god... coming home is thrilling. being there is thrilling, and knowing that i will be there forever in that perfect love of the perfect father is pretty damned nice thing to be looking forward to... and never ceasing to lookf forward to even more of a really good thing...